The Long and Winding Road (Revisited)

This Will Stir Up Some Controversy

2006-12-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

Maggie made a comment on Officer Money’s page that the recent episode of “How I Met Your Mother” where Robin’s secret past was discovered was the best episode ever. I don’t know if I quite agree. Here’s my list of the top-5 episodes of HIMYM:
1) “World’s Greatest Couple” (Season 2: Lily moves into Barney’s apartment)
2) “The Limo” (Season 1: New Year’s Eve and Not Moby)
3) “Slap Bet” (Season 2: Robin’s Secret Past)
4) “Best Prom Ever” (Season 1: The crew breaks into a High School Prom to see a Wedding Band)
5) Tie: “Ted Mosby, Architect” (Season 2: Does being an architect get you chicks?), “Atlantic City” (Season 2: Marshall and Lily attempt to get hitched in the Coast City) and “Mary the Paralegal” (Season 1: Barney hooks Ted up with a “date” to Robin’s awards dinner)

While we’re at it, here are the top-5 episodes of “The OC”
1) “The Rainy Day Women” (Season 2: Episode where it rained)
2) “The Homecoming” (Season 1: Thanksgiving Episode)
3) “The Third Wheel” (Season 1: The Rooney concert)
4) “The Family Ties” (Season 2: “I was trying to be stealth!”)
5) Tie: “The Strip” (Season 1: Caleb’s Bachelor party in Las Vegas) and “The L.A.” (Season 1: The crew heads to Los Angeles)

By the way, this week’s episode of “The OC” was right on the money. I would put that episode up with anything other than “The Classics” from seasons 1 and 2. The show looks like it is getting its mind right. With that in mind, please see http://www.fox.com/oc/savetheoc/ and http://savetheoc.wordpress.com/

And the top-5 episodes of “The Office”
1) “Casino Night” (Season 2 finale: Michael has 2 dates, Roy asks Kevin‘s band to play the wedding and the infamous ending with Jim and Pam)
2) “Gay Witch Hunt” (Season 3 premier: Michael outs Oscar)
3) “Basketball” (Season 1: The office challenges the warehouse to a game)
4) Tie: “The Fight” (Season 2: Michael and Dwight have a karate match) and “Boys and Girls” (Season 2: Jan presides over “Women in the Workplace” while Michael has a gathering for the men.)
5) “The Merger” (Season 3: “Stop looking at my forehead!”)

And since I saw a marathon of this great show during the Thanksgiving weekend, how about the top-5 episodes of “Saved By the Bell”
1) “Rockumentary” (Season 3: The rise and fall of the Zack Attack)
2) “No Hope With Dope” (Season 3: The title says it all)
3) “Save the Max” (Season 2: The crew discovers Bayside High School’s radio station)
4) “Jessie’s Song” (Season 2: “I’m So Excited!”)
5) Tie: “Drinking and Driving” (Season 4: The only good “Tori-no Kelly or Jessie” episode with the toga party), “Fake IDs” (Season 3: The crew makes fake IDs to get into a club and see Kelly’s boyfriend cheat on her) and “Check Your Mate” (Season 3: Screech is challenged in a chess match by a Russian Valley student and nearly breaks up with Violet in the process)
If my political discussions cause debate, I’m sure these lists could cause a riot. I am looking forward to your comments and criticisms.

Listening to: Fall Out Boy “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race”

2006-11-21T08:33:00.000-08:00

Bruno is coming!

Can't Stop (Talking About Election Day)

2006-11-09T20:03:00.000-08:00

“America will never be safe in the hands of the Democrates.”

This is a direct quote from the blog of America’s favorite conservative blogger, Officer Money. I think it is genius. Actually, I mean to say “evil genius” because it sounds like something a super-villain says right before a huge laughing fit.

I, of course, wish to respond to this comment. However, I am absolutely stupefied as to what is the best way to rebut Money’s accusation. His argument is articulated so well and has so many facts supporting it that I am having trouble actually formulating a response. Wait, I have an idea. When the Republicans are confronted with other opinions, instead of explaining their views and intelligently rebutting the opposing opinion, they merely attack the speaker of the said opinion. I will do likewise here:

Officer Money’s comment is wrong because:

1) For those of you who don’t know, the party Money refers to is the Democrats. I have no idea who or what the hell the Democrates are. I think that a “democrate” is a box in the offices of record companies where they put all the submissions from bands they don’t want to sign. I could be mistaken, though.

2) Officer Money sent me an email today with a trailer for what he called “Rocky 7.” The official title of the movie, however, is “Rocky Balboa.” Moreover, it is the SIXTH installment of one of cinema’s finest franchises (Not as good as “The Godfather” series or “Star Wars,” but its up there).

So there!

Also, in reading Officer Money’s post, I was reminded that there is something called “The Secure Fence Act of 2006.” I had to put that in quotes because it sounds ridiculous. We all know what “The Secure Fence Act” is but at first I thought of the secure fence act my father and I performed when we put up a new fence in his backyard. We ended up finishing the fence, but were on the wrong side. Since we refused to climb a fence we just worked hard to put up, we ended up walking around the block to get to the house.

Tomorrow, I am going to see Guns n’ Roses. I’m not kidding.

Listening to: The Game “One Blood”

Is Election Day Over Yet?

2006-11-08T15:36:00.000-08:00

I had a very long election day. Of course, I was at work all day but to make matters worse, I was insanely hungry and didn't eat until after I voted. Whatever. Here's my issues with this election day.

1) How does Joe Lieberman lose the primary to Ned Lamont but beat him in the general election? (I actually know the answer to this, but I don't want to acknowledge it -- but here's a hint: I'm wondering if there was any discussion at CNN about which side to count him on for their stupid graphs). And does anyone else annoy you more when they speak.

2) CNN needs to calm down with their stupid graphs. Also, Anderson Cooper and Paula Zahn are completely unnecessary.

3) I saw John Kerry give some speech for some dude who won in Massachussetts.... all I could think about was someone just slapping him in the head.

4) Did you see the story about how the Governor of South Carolina was turned away from voting because he didn't have his ID?

5) Usually, voting is tough because your choices are between a bunch of degenerate liars, thieves and waste-oids. Unfortunately, here in New York, our choice for governor was tough because there were two over-qualified candidates. One of course, would be my old boss and the Governor-Elect Elliot Spitzer. The other was noted Actor, Playwright, Author, and Bartender Malachy McCourt.

6) Good question asked by a co-worker today: Who has had more plastic surgery, Jeanine Pirro or Nancy Pelosi?

Enough of the elections. Britney Spears is single again.

Listening to: Poison "Talk Dirty to Me"

2006-11-06T08:13:00.000-08:00

An interesting discussion about the actual filming of "Borat," reveals that the movie was more real/unscripted than I thought. But maybe it was less real/unscripted than you thought?

Next time you go to Burger King, you should probably dress as a police officer. Though, I doubt this has ever happened to Officer Money.

Thanks for Nothing, Again

2006-10-27T10:32:00.000-07:00

Remember the good old days, when Officer Money would make fun of John Kerry and we would all have a good laugh because we figured he would be the next president. Those were the days. Since then he ran the worst campaign in history and is solely responsible for the re-election of President Bush. Not content with that, he is now trying to be responsible for losing crucial elections for democratic candidates for Congress. Thanks, jerk!

Come to think of it, some blame needs to go to Howard Dean too. If he didn't act a damn fool, he could be president and Kerry would still be the ignored Senator from Massachussets. I don't blame Al Gore though, because he is, in my opinion, "The Man."

More on our friend Borat.

Apparently, something more than free beer with dinner is going on at Dempsey's. Now, because of Barney's suggestions, I will look at the spot from a different perspective.

In your opinion, is this site original, or is it just 1 of 100,000,000 useless time-wasters?

Listening to: Gary Numan "Cars"

Sing it Johnny

2006-10-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

Seriously, you have to have money on this World Series if you are watching it. Even the Kenny “The Cheatin’ Gambler” Rogers controversy can’t make me watch this crap.

2 good stories involving song lyrics:

1) I was just singing Johnny Cash music while I was shaving. When I got out of the bathroom, my Mom said, “Sing it Johnny.” I replied singing, “I shot a man in Reno...” and then asked “Why did I shoot him mom?” Unfortunately, mom didn’t know why but at least she knew I whose song I was singing.

2) Got a text message from the road trippin’ Ambassador yesterday that read “I’m standing on a corner in Winslow, Arizona.” I’ve had that song in my head for the past day and half now. Also, I asked if the view was fine but he replied that all he saw were drunk Native Americans.

How about a television update? Okay. I don‘t need to mention “The Office” do I? “Nip/Tuck” is still great, HIMYM is good (last week’s was a classic) and “Law and Order” has no business being on Friday night. "Prison Break" is very good but it there may be some plagirism involved with it. “The OC” is coming soon and the previews look interesting. As for new shows, if you only watch one I think its pretty obvious that “Heroes” is the one to watch. But “Friday Night Lights” is good too, especially if you like watching near-30 year olds playing teenagers.

Wait a minute, we’re talking television, so I might as well mention that the trailer for the next season of television’s best show is up. Free Jack Bauer!

Listening to: The Eagles “Take It Easy”

Down at ....

2006-10-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Lots of interesting stories in the news today, but my favorite is news of a Fraggle Rock movie being executive produced by Ahmet Zappa.

I know I went to see Less than Jake a while ago, but I'd like to post the setlist for prosperity's sake. Before the show started, the house music was a bunch of ska-punk songs from 1996-1999. It was an awesome way to get psyched for a show. Importantly, instead of having a normal setlist, LTJ used a wheel with a bunch of songs on it and whatever the wheel landed on, they played. There was also a kid with a huge afro that they let sit on stage because his hair was so cool Here's the setlist:

All My Best Friends are Metalheads
Overrated (Everything Is)
The Ghost of You and Me
Automatic
Sugar in Your Gas Tank
The Great American Sharpshooter
Soundcheck
Faction
9th and Pine
Johnny Quest Thinks We're Sellouts
Nervous in the Alley
Dopeman
P.S. Shock the World
Plastic Cup Politics
Scott Farcas Takes It On the Chin
Al's War
Last One Out of Liberty City

Encore:
Rest of My Life
Gainsville Rock City
Just Like Frank
The Science of Selling Yourself Short

Gambler's Alert: Let's get some picks! Detroit (-170) is an easy pick to win the World Series and not a bad price either. In college action, I like Rutgers getting 6.5 at Pittsburgh, Iowa getting 12.5 at Michigan and Boston College getting 6 at Florida State. In the NFL, lets take San Diego giving 5 at Kansas City, Atlanta getting 2.5 at home against Pittsburgh, Green Bay getting 5 at Miami (and I never pick Green Bay), and Arizon giving 3 at Oakland.

Just a horrible loss for the Mets last night. But what a catch by Endy Chavez!

This alleged situation that Sebastian Telfair may have had some involvement with the Fabolous shooting is incredible. What a story... could it be retaliation for Telfair getting his $50,000 chain ganked? I will certainly be keeping tabs on this one. I wonder what Stephon "Starbury sneakers and clothing available at Steve and Barry's" Marbury has to say about this.

Listening to: Jim Carroll "People that Died"

Ctrl, Alt, What Comes Next?

2006-10-17T20:33:00.000-07:00

I've had some more computer problems recently. I think they are remedied. That means I should be back to semi-regular blogging. Maybe.

Gambler's Alert: I'm up to 57-58. I was terrible with baseball picks but undefeated in boxing picks. I'll be back with football, although judging from my fantasy squad, that might not be a good thing.

It's getting late, the Mets are down 4-2 and they have 3 outs left. I'll just go to sleep.

Meanwhile, here's another good reason why this blog is called LevittowntoLasVegas.

Listening to: Deftones "Hole in the Earth"

Delete Those IM's

2006-10-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

No word yet from the judges on who won the Moakler-Hilton fight.

With work and everything this week, posting is going to be non-existent. Sorry.

Gambler's Alert: I know its late, but I had this picks earlier. I like a Yanks-Twins ALCS and a Mets-Padres NLCS. In the fights this weekend, I like Valuev over Barret, Adamek over Briggs, Darchinyan over Donaire and even though I'll be rooting for Chico, Casamayor over Corrales. For football, if I get a minute, I'll get you some picks.

Things to post about:
1) LTJ @ CD
2) Officer Money's Birthday at BJ and THOB > Jets-Colts
3) Mark Foley and Larry King

Listening to: +44 "When Your Heart Stops Beating"

2006-09-29T13:48:00.000-07:00

Who is Veronica Sawyer?

Strawberry Flavored Nesquick?

2006-09-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

A night out for Perez Hilton seems to be very busy and very entertaining. When his blog is translated, however, the tale becomes even more interesting because it accusses a young Hollywood star of drug abuse.

For you fans of HIMYM, check out Barney's Blog. It may even be more entertaining than this blog.

Terrell Owens is acting a DAMN FOOL! I know that's a pretty easy statement to make, but seriously. He's going to have Jesse Jackson going on marches against prescription pain medication if he keeps acting up. We just can't have that. Also, based on this controversy, what sort of chant would you try to start to rattle T.O. if he was playing against your team at your team's home stadium. This question is especially pertinent for New York Giants fans, who will [allegedly] be seeing T.O. this season. My chant would be, "Drop that Pill, Drop that Pill." Revision (Wedensday, 5:44PM): My chant, after thinking about it some more, would be "T.O. ... O.D. ... T.O. ... O.D."

Please check out Maggie's blog about her work with Habitat for Humanity in Romania. It is both informative and entertaining. She also told a story about store clerks with short skirts. I was going to leave her a comment to tell those clerks that when they roll through New York City screaming "What's up New York!" that I will be what is up New York. Unfortunately, I am fairly certain that they don't get HIMYM in Romania, so I figured I'll save that gem for when she gets home.

Speaking of all things international, the Ambassador is scheduled to return to the United States one week from today (Wedensday, October 4). I am currently petitioning the Town of Hempstead to allow for a parade through Levittown in his honor. I highly doubt that will happen. Of course, I am sure that his arch-enemy, Bob Guzzle will not be far behind.

Listening to: Massive Attack "Teardrop"

Krazy Kookies

2006-09-21T18:12:00.000-07:00

I’ll save you the details, but I went 10-6 with my picks this week and my yearly record moves to 52-55. .500 here I come.

“Earl” and “The Office” are about to start...

Now that I’ve watched them both, I think its safe to say “The Office” is the funniest show on television. I’m sure Larry David will have something to say about that though.

This week has been pretty crazy. A court appearance, the Jets game, rumors about me joining J-Date, the controversy in our fantasy football league... what else could happen? I don’t know but I know I have to make some cookies this weekend. I was thinking of making brownies but then everyone would be questioning me about secret ingredients.

Do you think the "Deal or No Deal" models have myspace pages? I'll check on that.

Listening to: Phil Collins “In the Air Tonight”

Free New York Times Day

2006-09-18T16:31:00.000-07:00

I have not slept in ... wait a minute, lets start at the beginning. Yesterday, Sunday September 17, 2006 I awoke a prayed it was a bad dream. But unfortunately it wasn’t. The Fighting Irish of the University of Notre Dame suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the dastardly Michigan Wolverines. I was comforted though.

Apparently, yesterday was “Free New York Times Day” in Levittown. When I went out the front door I noticed there was copy of “The Grey Lady” on every lawn on the block. I think this is spectacular for two reasons. One, getting things for free rules! Two, I’m hopeful that the point of view of the Times rubs off on the good citizens of L-Town.

Then I quickly remembered why I awoke before 11:30 AM on a Sunday... the Jets Home Opener! And it was a gala occasion. Bishop Matt provided the grill, Officer Money provided everything else, and Fordham Ed and I were along for the ride. The parking lot festivities were the bomb! The game was off the hook, our boys were down 24-0, came back but fell short in the end. It was awesome. Thanks for the tickets, the ride and everything else, Money.

Did I mention PATRICK EWING sat five rows in front of us? I shouted “Why did you let Starks take all those shots?” Got a lot of laughs. Also got some laughs when some Pats fans said “Yaaads” and I said “Its YaRds ... YaRRRRRds!”

Traffic was brutal. It took three hours and four white castle burgers to get home. When I finally got home, all I wanted to do was sleep. But I knew I had to be up at 6AM because I had to be in court at 9AM. So, because I was scared I would get up late, and because I felt absolutely horrible after a whole day of burgers, hot dogs, chips, cookies, castles and Beer, I didn’t sleep at all. Not one second. I stared at my ceiling all night.

After a long process to get to court (which included reviewing documents on the way to court), I rolled in and the law clerk told me no appearance was necessary. So, I got back on the train, slept the whole way back, and some insurance company is getting billed for that. Oh, and I got some sleep at the office too.

Now, I’m tired. Too tired to tally up my scores from this weekend’s gambling but off the top of my head, I know I got 3 wrong and only two right. Rough. But I’ll take care of that tomorrow. I have to watch “Prison Break” and set up the tape for “How I Met Your Mother.” Do you know why you watch PB and tape HIMYM? Because you have to watch PB and then check Maggie’s blog for analysis! That’s good work procrastination. Oh, and don’t forget to squeeze in some “Deal or No Deal” during commercials.

Check out “Artie Lange’s Beer League.” Funny movie and its got the trailer for the Borat movie.

Listening to: Missing Persons “Destination Unknown”

I'm Addicted to...

2006-09-15T17:46:00.000-07:00

Lost in all the crazy Hollywood news this week was that Jason (from “Laguna Beach” and “8th and Ocean”) was arrested for possession of COCAINE! I just wish it was Kristin or LC. That would have been phat as hell.

This week I became addicted to searching for people’s myspace pages. Hopefully, I can recover from this addiction and become a productive member of society again.

Allright, I promised picks, and you’re going to get some fucking picks! And there are some huge spreads this week.

1) NFL: Jacksonville at home (+1.5) over Pittsburgh
2) NFL: Chicago at home (-8.5) over Detroit
3) NFL: Houston (+13.5) at Indianapolis (too many points)
4) NFL: Carolina (-1.5) at Minnesota
5) NFL: Baltimore at home (-12) over Oakland
6) NFL: Tampa Bay (+5.5) at Atlanta
7) NFL: New Orleans (-2) at Green Bay
8) NFL: NY Giants (+3) at Philadelphia
9) NFL: Cincinnati at home (-10) over Cleveland
10) NFL: San Francisco at home (+3) over St. Louis
11) NFL: Denver at home (-10.5) over Kansas City
12) NFL: San Diego at home (-11.5) over Tennessee
13) NCAA: Ohio State at home (-29.5) over Cinncinatti
14) NCAA: Oklahoma (+4.5) at Oregon
15) Boxing: Ricardo “Rocky” Juarez (+125) over Marco Antonio Barrera
16) Boxing: Jorge Barrios (+145) over Joan “Little Tyson” Guzman

I told you at least 15 picks. Now get that money!

Listening to: The Killers “When You Were Young”

2006-09-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

Has college really changed this much since I attended GWU five years ago?

Get Your Hey Hey Heys

2006-09-11T07:11:00.000-07:00

With the MTV Awards as evidence that music videos pretty much suck, my friends at Less than Jake have made a pretty good one for "Rest of My Life."

A very important "How to" manual can be purchased on the streets of New York City.

Gambing is being used to run a company. That's a first. I thought gambling was simply to keep the poor poor and to get people to go to the middle of the desert, Indian Reservations or to a dumpy city on the New Jersey Shore.

I must say that I’m pleasantly surprised that Gilby Clarke, Jason Newstead and Tommy Lee made the right choice tonight and picked Lukas Rossi as their singer. I am looking forward to the record.

Elliot Spitzer got the win! Allright! Next stop Albany.

I actually felt like a real jerk today. When I was driving to work this morning I hit a ton of traffic because a car caught fire and they closed three lanes on the Long Island Expressway. I was cursing up a storm and all that nonsense. But when I saw the burnt out car it made me think that I should stop complaining. The Ambassador has been dodging car bombs and train wrecks recently and Officer Money is evading bullets and criminals on a daily basis. In addition to making fun of me on a constant basis, my buddies sure know how to give me perspective. Thanks guys.
(The above may sound sarcastic, but I assure you its not.)

Speaking of gambling, my NFL picks were pretty good this weekend and I went 6-4 to bring my 2006 total to 42-49. I am making a stand this weekend and will make at least 15 picks and will be over .500 by Tuesday morning.

Listening to: Tim Armstrong and the Aggrolites “Hold On”

A Few Picks Before I Watch the Games at the Spot

2006-09-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

I totally forgot to make some picks. With Daunte Culpepper acting a damn fool on Thursday night, my record is at 36-45. So, here we go for opening weekend in the NFL. I like Buffalo getting 10 at New England, Cincinnati getting 2 at Kansas City, Houston getting 5.5 at home against Philadelphia, New Orleans getting 3 from Cleveland, and Detroit getting 6 at home against Seattle. For favorites, I like Carolina giving 5 to Atlanta, Chicago giving 3.5 at Green Bay, Arizona giving San Francisco 8 in the desert and Indianapolis giving 3 to the Giants. Jacksonville and Dallas is a pick ‘em, so I’ll do just that and take Dallas on the road. Monday night, look for both favorites to win when Washington (-4) womps Minnesota and San Diego (-3) crushes Oakland.

Lots of picks here. But there is a lot of money to be made. I’ll be cashing tickets... and if you pick like me, you will too (despite what me yearly record suggests)!

Listening to: Iggy Pop and Kate Pierson “Candy”

Better Late than Never

2006-09-07T17:13:00.000-07:00

I know I said I would comment on the MTV awards, but they were a long time ago and nobody cares anymore. In a nutshell, it was 3.5 hours of boredom. The only highlight was the Jackass guys. Jack Black is not funny. I guess the Killers were okay. I feel bad for Christina Aguliera because her performance was okay but since you can see the exact same thing on American Idol every week, who cares. Oh, and Al Gore was allright but there’s something about him talking up MTV’s political website that doesn’t sit well with me.

Speaking of politics... September 12 is primary day. Its your first day to vote for Elliot Spitzer and the guy who’s running against Hillary Clinton (For those of you who don’t know, his name is Jonathan Tasini).

Gambler's Alert: How does 3-3 for last weekend sound? Not great, but after the slump I’ve been in, I’ll take it. I’m at 36-44 for the year now. For tonight (in a half-hour), its a pick-em, and even though I wanted points, I’ll still take Miami over the defending Super Bowl Champion Steelers in the opening game in the league where they play for pay. Tommorow, I’ll have a ton of picks for the weekend and we’ll be making money before you know it

Listening to: Howard Jones “Things Can Only Get Better”

College Football is Back! Get Your Money Out!

2006-09-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

It’s time to get it poppin’ once again. I know you need that money and for damn sure, I need that money. Gambler’s Alerts are back, and its time for that 33-41 record to start looking a lot better.

It’s a huge college football weekend and I’ve got some picks for you. USC giving 8 to Arkansas is a lock at decent price. Lets also take UCLA, at home, giving 3 to Utah. Completing the California trifecta, I’ll take Cal giving 2 on the road to Tennessee. I also like Oklahoma giving 22 points to UAB. Too many favorites, here’s a dog for you: Florida State getting 3.5 from Miami

No, I’m not picking the Notre Dame-Georgia Tech game. The run to the national championship begins tonight!

In boxing, I am absolutely stunned that James “Lights Out” Toney (+115) is the underdog against “The Nigerian Nightmare” Sam Peter (-145). Look for Toney to use his shoulder roll>left hook>straight right hand all night and get a decision.

Additionally, it looks like Betonsports.com has been shut down. Please pardon this inconvenience while I search for a new official LevittowntoLasVegas online sportsbook. Of course, this would happen right before the extremely busy Fall gambling season.

I’ll have a post about the horrendous MTV awards soon.

Listening to: The Howard Stern Show “The KRock Tapes”

"Hustling" Will Lead to Grammatical Errors

2006-08-28T16:54:00.000-07:00

This weekend was the annual Mist Lane block party. It was a good way to unwind after a stressful fantasy football draft. As a matter of fact, I took out all my frustration by throwing Mr. B’s work helmet in the pool. Very amusing.

Of course, beer pong was played. According to my calculations, which might not be accurate, Bishop Matt and I were 5-1. This included victories over The Not So Holy Ghost and Becky, Megan and her friend, Two Over Forty Mothers (with their husbands and children rooting them on), Two Seventeen Year Old Fuck Ups and Officer and Little Money. Our only loss was to Dr. Z and Lavelle.

I got an opportunity to check out “Hustle and Flow” yesterday. Not a bad movie. The acting is good but I just couldn’t root for the main character, a pimp trying to change his ways. I will say that the scenes where the characters are writing songs in their house are top notch and worth watching the movie for. In a weird way, it reminded me of writing songs in Dr. Z’s basement in high school.

There’s a great link on www.perezhilton.com to a video of Tara Reid being denied entry to a club in Los Angeles and then having to watch Paris Hilton walk right in. Its pretty funny.

Lots of grammatical errors in yesterday’s fantasy football preview. I even mistakenly wrote “Kellen Clemens” instead of “Kellen Winslow, Jr.” I apologize.

Listening to: Jane’s Addiction “Stop”

2006 Monkey Brains Fantasty Football Preview

2006-08-27T16:54:00.000-07:00

These are the opening odds to win the championship of the Monkey Brains League. These odds are for educational purposes only. They are brought to you courtesy of the Claridge Casino Sportsbook, located in the basement of their extravagant hotel in beautiful Atlantic City, New Jersey and sponsored by Coors Light, taste the Rockies.

1) Ridin’ Dirty (Coach Dr. Z): 3-1 Even before the draft, the three-time defending champions were the favorite. Then they got the second pick overall and stocked up with some magnificent athletes. Larry Johnson, Cadillac Williams and Marvin Harrison should guide them to a championship run. If not, noone is better at midseason pick-ups from the waiver wire.

2) Red Zone Assassins (Coach Geico Brian): 9-2 As bad a draft as this playoff team had last year (Kerry Collins in the first round) is as good a draft as they had this year. Then they topped it all off with Kellen Clemens in the final round... if he’s health, he’ll put Gates’ and Shockey’s numbers to shame. With a draft this good, there should be no reason they approach the number of claims off the waiver wire as the 48 they made last year.

3) The Z Reign is Over (Coach Big Dogg): 9-1 This team has been a regular season monster and with the number 1 overall pick (S. Alexander -- he needs to thank yahoo.com‘s auto-rankings), he is primed to remain that way. But no matter how perform, Coach Dr. Z owns this team and will beat them again whenever they meet.

4) The Ham and Eggery (Coach Bishop Matt): 15-1 This years commissioner is focused and well prepared for a run at his second league championship. Adam Vinateri kicking indoors should put up big numbers and Randy Moss should have a come-back type year. But Donovan McNabb and Michael Vick as his quarterbacks could be a one way ticket to the consolation tournament.

5) The Smokers (Coach Me): 25-1 The draft just didn’t go my way. After getting some quality Running Backs (R. Brown, W. McGahee, R. Johnson, F. Gore), the rest of the cupboard is pretty bare. Unless Carolina’s defense puts up a lot of shutouts and Drew Brees throws touchdowns to Reggie Bush, this team is bound for the consolation tournament.

6) Officer Money (Coach Officer Money): 50-1 On paper, it looks like this club had a tremendous draft. Then you realize Carson Palmer hasn’t taken a snap since being injured during last year’s playoffs, Dante Culpepper is coming off a serious knee injury, Corey Dillon and Clinton Portis are banged up already and Deion Branch is still in the midst of a contract hold-out and is seeking a trade. Should be an improvement over last year’s last place finish though.

7) SoldiersinBlue (Coach Durso): 100-1 One of the two expansion teams this year, they are looking to impress in a strong league this year. The talent at the top of this league might be too much for them to handle. With some good talent, though, they’ll be a tough out for anyone in this league.

8) Dirty Tampons (Coach The Ambassador): 250-1 Last year’s improbable run to the playoffs will be tough to match this year. With Tiki Barber looking to put up big numbers this year, however, this squad will be a tough out for anyone. Especially in October, when the Coach returns from the Middle East to guide his team in-person.

9) Lonely Fisherman (Coach Krazy Gutshot): 400-1 The team with the most interesting draft in history (5 quarterbacks, 4 running backs) will have a lot to say about how this league turns out. Not by competing for the playoffs though. With an excess of players at the two most injury-prone positions, other coaches will be filling his email account with trade requests late in the season.

10) F Herm (Coach Top Gun): 500-1 Peyton Manning over LaDanian Tomlinson (a mistake the Big Dogg made last year) and the Giants defense picked in the early rounds? That equals big time draft mistakes for a team that squeaked by Officer Money’s club to claim 7th place last year. Additionally, the east coast bias of this league will be another in a series of hurdles this team is ill-equipped to climb.

Listening to: Three Six Mafia “It’s Hard Out There For a Pimp”

Getting Ready for the MTV Video Awards

2006-08-22T10:21:00.000-07:00

MTV is pissing me off again. They are banning The Pack's video for "Vans." Fucking hypocritical bullshit! Everything MTV does is a commercial. Especially their reality shows, which include tons of product placement (see Miller Lite in “Newlyweds” and any episode of “The Real World”). And don’t get me started on the ubiquitous Ipod which is in almost every video now. Want a better example... okay. They played Nelly’s video for “Air Force Ones” all the time. That situation is on “all fours” with this one.

So why ban this video. Well, first of all, its not by an established hip-hop act, so that’s the main reason. But I have an even better, and more realistic one. Vans, as you all know, is the sponsor of the Warped Tour. The same Warped Tour, which has a reality show about it on rival network Fuse.

Glad I could be of help Maggie. Everyone should see her post about the season premier of “Prison Break.” Her examination of the plot holes is right on the money. But honestly, as a devotee of “24,” I regularly ignore plot holes and just enjoy these shows. Even “Lost,” which is the Bermuda Triangle of plot.

If your name is Top Gun or Krazy Gutshot, sign up for Fantast Football dammit!

Listening to: The Pack “Vans”

Can Tailgating Be Saved?

2006-08-21T16:58:00.000-07:00

A very important new trend has emerged and it must be discussed here. No, it has nothing to with Kelly Clarkson’s drunken sing-a-long with a 80’s-metal-cover-band. And it’s not about Don Vito’s arrest for sexual assault of a minor. And it’s certainly doesn’t involve Kevin Federline’s unintentionally hysterical performance at the Teen Choice Awards. It’s not even about fantasy football!

The authorities at the summer concert season have apparently instituted a new policy of ordering police to clear the parking lots of tailgaters and usher concert-goers into the show well before the main act comes on. Why? Two reasons, I figure. One is to cut down on the level of drunkeness at the shows. But more importantly, I figure, they are trying to get you in the venue for a longer time so you buy more $7 beers, $5 hot dogs and the like. Bullshit, I say!

I first learned of this policy at the Dodge Music Center in Hartford, Connecticut. Bishop Matt and I were enjoying numerous Coors Lights before the Dave Matthews Band concert. Then, the police pulled up and told us to head into the venue. The look on our faces must have said, “Yeah, sure, we’ll be in an hour or so.” A few minutes later, 5-0 rolled by again and said, “Dave’s coming on, get inside.” To a couple of veteran concert-goers such as us, that was absolute gibberish as we knew that Dave wasn’t coming on for another hour. However, when the police returned and had some bass in their voices, we figured we’d head inside. The next night was more of the same.

This weekend, though, a similar situation occurred at the 311 concert at Jones Beach. So now it’s an epidemic! Actually it was good to go inside early because we caught the end of The Wailers set of Bob Marley tunes, which was rad. But, if I want to chill in the parking lot, I should be allowed and that’s that.

Enough of that, “Prison Break” is back and I have to watch that.

Listening to: The James Gang “Funk 49”

Links Galore: The Los Angeles Gossip Blog Edition

2006-08-16T12:03:00.000-07:00

Man, have I got the link for you. It's an almose ten minute montage of all of the best lines by Ari Gold from "Entourage." My favorite:

Ms. Gold: What's in the duffel bag, Ari?
Ari: A kilo of blow, what's with all the fucking questions honey?

You can find Borat clips to facilitate your phoney phone calls here (Special thanks to Officer Money).

Those of you that are hip to the gossip blogs probably have already heard about this. But if you haven't seen this but if not, go there immediately. It is a ten minute video of Kelly Clarkson drinking liquor, playing air guitar and singing "Sweet Child O' Mine" with Los Angeles cover band Metal Skool at the Key Club in Hollywood. The funniest part may be that her boyfriend (?), Ryan from the lame-o band Yellowcard, doesn't know the words to Guns n' Roses' biggest hit. Almost as funny is that the Metal Skool band knows he's in Yellowcard, but don't know his name. But, I don't know what this does to my opinion of Kelly. It has revealed some new facts about her: (1) she is dating the dork from Yellowcard, (2) she has short hair now and (3) she drinks alcohol. I don't like (1), am unsure of (2) and think that (3) is cool, but I don't want her out partying all the time. I'm sure the LevittowntoLasVegas correspondents have stuff to say about this and I am eagerly anticipating your comments.

Listening to: Rockstar: Supernova "Turn the Light On"

Where Is My Condo Money?

2006-08-14T14:59:00.000-07:00

Interesting juxtaposition here. For some reason, today was a really fast day at work. On the other hand, I’ve been waiting to save up my condo money seemingly forever. Because of that, I am now looking for a “reputable” get rich quick scheme. Wait a minute, football season is coming up soon, so never mind. I’ll have that condo money by week 4 as long as teams remember to cover the spread.

You can find The Dave Matthews Band's entire concert from this past Saturday here. It’s a pretty good show. Dave’s voice is messed up, but he still sings fairly well. Also, you can check out “Can’t Stop,” which is a new song that everyone who has seen them this summer is raving about. Unfortunately, AOL makes you watch one song at a time instead of just playing the whole show. Plus, the edit out the profanity. Fuck them.

If you catch this post early, the best “How I Met Your Mother” is on at 8:30. It’s the one where we learn how Barney transformed from a tree-hugging hippie to a suited-up follower of awesomeness.

At 33-41 in my Gambler’s Alerts, I should probably find another way to make money. I’ll never get that condo.

Do yourself a favor, and buy “V For Vendetta” A truly legen----wait for it ---- dary movie. Seriously, a great fucking movie.

Listening to: MxPx “Small Town Minds”

2006-08-11T07:15:00.000-07:00

Suprisingly, both "Elimidate" and "Blind Date" have been cancelled. Can you believe they have 1300 episodes of Blind Date? How many do you think you've seen?

The Maurice Clarett story continues to become more and more fascinating as time goes by. Clarett has basically gone from the NCAA Championship winning touchdown to a gun-totting lunatic during the 4 years that were to be his college education. Instead of graduating from Ohio State University this year, it looks like he'll be entering the Ohio State Jail System.

Only 84 days until the Borat movie comes out. Here is something to get you ready for its release.

I'm unsure as to whether the proper question is (1) what is going on in Cuba? or (2) what will happen with Cuba? It seems as if both are now appropriate for some analysis.

So What If Yesterday's Post Sucked

2006-08-10T17:04:00.000-07:00

I’m getting a lot of grief about yesterday’s post, but I could give a fuck. The Ambassador called me to, among other things, chide me for not including Nagatuck(tuck)(tuck)(tuck) in my history of Connecticut. Of course, I was going to include it before my stupid computer froze. So there. According to his text message, they had a “Wolfbro Jam” going on at his place in Damascus. As a side note, the Ambassador was the most drunk he has ever been on the phone with me from Syria. Not so drunk as to believe my theory that today’s foiling of a terrorist plot was planned by Joe Lieberman. But drunk enough to call one of our friends “a racist homo.” Who he was referring to, though, is a matter protected by attorney-client confidentiality. I will say, however, its not who you think.

Today, the sixth webisode installment of “The Office: The Accountants” was posted on “The Office” website (which is linked to your left). Please view these webisodes, as they are hysterical. The plot is that somehow, $3,000 is missing from Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. The accounting department, Angela Martin, Kevin Malone and Oscar Martinez must interview everyone until they find the missing money. In each webisode, they interview a different employee:

1) Jan Levinson-Gould (from Corporate, tells them to find the money)
2) Phyllis Lapin (girlfriend of Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration)
3) Meredith Palmer
4) Stanley Hudson
5) Roy (Pam’s Fiance who works in the warehouse)
6) This week they accused each other of stealing the money.

What’s next, I don’t know. But there are 4 episodes left and none of the main characters have been involved yet. So we should be seeing Dwight Schrute, Pam Beesley, Jim Halpert and the great Michael Scott very soon.

Listening to: Ozzy Osbourne “No More Tears”

An Abbreviated History of the State of Connecticut

2006-08-09T14:39:00.000-07:00

I just had this whole entry written about my trip to Connecticut two weeks ago and the two weddings I went to this weekend. Then my computer crashed. I have no energy to re-write it, so here’s the general gist of it. I’m tired from running around like a maniac recently. All the D’Angelos, “Can’t Stop”s, ticketless girls in bathing suits, Southern Comfort Hurricanes, Mullets at the Free Spirit Lounge, Asian Dealers at Mohegan Sun Casino, Asian Buildings on St. John’s Campus, traffic jams, cigarettes, rare prime ribs, Shirley Temples, Car Bombs, drunken dancing, “I Do”s, “I Don’t”s, jokes, and music have worn me out. I need a vacation.

Below, is a rough outline of my post about Connecticut. Basically, I was going to take a humorous look at my relationship with our neighbors to the northeast as juxtaposed with my recent trip there to see the Dave Matthews Band with Bishop Matt and its lingering effects through last weekend on me. Now fuck it. And if you want a good analysis of this past weekend, Officer Money can help you with that.

Joe Lieberman, George Bush's most beloved Democrat, lost the Democratic Party Primary Election for his seat in the Senate.

The Dodge Music Center used to be known as "The Meadows," an infinitely better name for an amphitheater.

I am not sure exactly who the Mohegan Tribe is, but they sure are wealthy. Well, at least until Bishop Matt got through with Leonard at the Let it Ride table.

Listening to: Jesus H. Christ and the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse "Connecticut's for F*cking"

2006-08-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

The Ashlee Simpson cosmetic-surgery controversy has taken a new and interesting turn. I for one would like to applaud those who are pointing out the Simpson sisters' hypocrisy on this issue.

Some Stupid Questions

2006-07-31T11:18:00.000-07:00

A curfew in Washington, DC?

Any thoughts on Mel Gibson?

In honor of MTV's 25th anniversary, the AP has a list (in chronological order) of the 25 most important moments in the network's history. What was the last moment you ask.... Kristin, LC and the rest of the crew of "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County" of course!

Will Fidel Castro survive to continue his improbable lengthy reign as Cuba's dictator? The odds aren't in his favor.

Listening to: Dave Matthews Band "Can't Stop"

Internet Gambling Could End Up in Davey Jones' Locker

2006-07-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

My suggestion to take the gambling boat was, unfortunately, not a good one. Rough seas, including seven foot swells, really put a damper on the party. It does seem, however, that I am a sea-faring person. I was really wondering why I took so well to such bad conditions, so I asked some family members if there is a history of sailors in my family. Apparently, I have many members of my family who worked on boats in addition to the obvious trek across the pond that my family members took to get to New York. A pirate’s life for me, indeed. LevittowntoLasVegas’ Navy correspondent, Top Gun, would be proud, I’m sure. I’ll have to ask him when I see him in two weeks.

Even though it was rough on the seas, it looked like it was an even worse night in the Coast City. Arturo Gatti was smashed by Carlos “Tata” Baldomir. I’m sure the clubs and casinos were very downtrodden after the hometown hero got knocked out.

Going to an outdoor music festival this summer? The guys from Outdoor Magazine have some good tips for you.

Dr. Z told me about some big problems with Internet Gambling, including the official sports book of this page. Plus, it seems that horse racing people and professional sports leagues are backing a law that would block internet gambling sites and make it illegal to use a credit card to place a wager at a web site. This measure recently passed in the House, but is likely to fail in the Senate. So you will be able to keep gambling on the internet. But perhaps, not for long. We’ll see.

Listening to: Peeping Tom featuring Rahzel and Dan the Automator “Mojo”

Getting My Boat Shoes Ready

2006-07-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

If you think people get too excited about an Arturo "Thunder" Gatti fight, know that even Bill "The Tuna" Parcells is excited. The Coast City will be rocking this week leading up to Saturday Night's big fight at Boardwalk Hall, a.k.a. "The House that Thunder Built." Will I be gambling on this fight? No sir. Remember, I try not to bet on teams or people I root for.

So all my gambling this weekend will be done on a boat. Sink or swim indeed.

My favorite line from "Ridin' " is Krayzie Bone's genious poetry:
"I gotta get to home 'fore the po po's scope this big ol Excursion swerving all up in the curve man;
Nigga been sippin on that Hennessey and the gin again is in again we in the wind;
Doin a hundred while I come from the block;
And rollin another one up, we livin like we ain't givin a fuck
I got a revolver in my right hand, 40 oz on my lap freezing my balls
Roll a nigga tree, green leaves and all"

Much like Napster, people are off to the courts to try and shut down YouTube. And once again, like with Napster, I am a big fan of the service and don't want to see it shut down.

I have a very interesting question for all of the LevittowntoLasVegas correspondents out there. What is more surprising?
A) A former porn star is running for Governor of Nevada.
B) She is running as a Republican.

Listening to: System of a Down "Radio/Video"

How the Real Estate Market Effects How Much You Pay for Beer

2006-07-18T10:58:00.000-07:00

They have replaced the beloved Village Idiot with some joint called Gin Lane. It’s an upscale place where the food is expensive and I’m sure you can’t wear sneakers. What a shame. The Bigg Dogg once said that we’ll never grow out of drinking $5 pitchers, no matter how much money we make. He sure as hell was right. But maybe, New York City will just run $5 pitchers out of town.

Allright, I gotta go watch “Rockstar: Supernova” featuring the recently separated Dave Navarro. Hopefully, he will stop calling Tommy Lee “T. Lee.”

Listening to: Goo Goo Dolls “Long Way Down”

Will the FCC Fine Him?

2006-07-17T11:10:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the hyperlink problems. It will take me a while to get used to these fucking things.

Finally, a reason to applaud President Bush. The use of profanity will always be supported by this page. Even if it comes from a complete moron at an in-opportune time.

Pimlico Race Track, in Baltimore, Maryland, is a great place to party but I didn't think they would ever have a camping and music festival there. I’m not exactly sure how this festival would work out. Maybe there won’t be camping. But I think it would take place on the infield, where many beers have been drunk before.

I saw “Garden State” yesterday, and now I finally know what everyone was talking about. Obviously, I would watch almost anything with Natalie Portman in it, but the scene with Method Man is pretty dope too. An interesting thought about the movie is that I felt that it was the perfect cross between a Spike Jones movie and a Kevin Smith movie.

The new Justin Timberlake song is overrated. Its not that original.

Listening to: Incubus “Nice to Know You”

What the Fuck is a Hyperlink?

2006-07-12T06:46:00.000-07:00

Because of popular demand, I will now be using hyperlinks for my links. I must admit that I prefer the full links because it is somewhat like a citation. However, I am open to criticism and will apply it when it makes sense.

Is Weezer breaking up? I don’t know for sure, but knowing the history of Rivers and the fellas it seems, at least, that it will be a while before we see them again. Actually, thinking about it, Weezer would be a great candidate for a “Behind the Music.” Although they didn’t have a lot of the traditional rock and roll happenings, their story is really unique. Again, I encourage you to research this story because it is fascinating. Basically, its band makes great record, gets huge, makes an utterly groundbreaking masterpiece that bombs, singer-songwriter goes into seclusion because of it, millions of bands inspired by them are spawned and make it big, bass player quits, band reunites for a great tour followed by two terrible records and then stumbles into a very good album and then folds.

Another reason to dislike Myspace... potential employers will research you by finding your Myspace page. Interestingly enough, its the reason why I changed the site name of this page and use code-names for the main characters. But the idea that it is an invasion of your rights for employers to research you is completely ludicrous. Its almost like saying they shouldn’t interview you. For the people who are fighting against employers researching people on the internet, put your efforts into a better cause, like banning drug testing.

So for gambling purposes, I am now 33-41 with a close win by the AL last night. Speaking of gambling and baseball, the Las Vegas Sportsbooks have installed the New York Mets as the 5 to 1 favorites to win the World Series. The Yanks, both Sox and Cardinals are 6 to 1. I’m not making a pick yet, but if you do pick now, you could get some interesting odds.

Listening to: The Byrds “Turn, Turn, Turn”

So Footballer's Wives

2006-07-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

The Ambassador, as some of you may know, was in Mumbai, India. However, sometime around a week or two ago (I think), he returned to Damascus, Syria. As such, he was uneffected by the explosions in Mumbai's train stations earlier today (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/07/11/mumbai.blasts/index.html). He sent me a text message to confirm this. We can all breathe a sigh (or a yaaaaahhhh) of relief. He's so Footballer's Wives. It should also be noted that he too, picked France to beat Italy on Sunday.

Speaking of gambling, I had a bad weekend with Karmazin and France losing, but I got the easy money with Tito Ortiz. Therefore I am at 32-41 for the year going into the All-Star game tonight, which I probably won’t watch (Rockstar is on!).

This weekend was good: Becky’s Birthday party at Savannah on Saturday night (saw a good fight outside) and the World Cup BBQ at Krazy Gutshots. Also, I checked out the “Phish: Live in Brooklyn” movie with Bishop Matt last night. Brought back some good memories of the Summer of 2004. I just wish they CGI’d the rain out of the show cause man did it pour that night!

Syd Barrett, the founding guitarist of Pink Floyd, passed away today (see http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1536059/20060711/pink_floyd.jhtml?headlines=true; http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/07/11/britain.floyd/index.html). If you don’t know anything about him, I suggest you do some research because it is a fascinating story. For example, Pink Floyd’s masterpiece, “Dark Side of the Moon” is a concept record about Syd.

Here’s a story for you (see http://www.courttv.com/people/2006/0707/dont_date_him_ctv.html?cnn=yes). And yes, I did check www.dontdatehimgirl.com to see if I had a profile up there. And no, I don’t.

Why did the British team lose the World Cup? Because of their wives and girlfriends, of course (see http://football.guardian.co.uk/News_Story/0,,1816858,00.html ; pictures at http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/writers/pete_mcentegart/07/11/ten.spot/index.html?cnn=yes and http://people.monstersandcritics.com/article_1174829.php/World_Cup_glamour_provided_by_Victoria_Beckham_and_Co .)! “That’s so Footballer’s Wives” is an expression used in Britain now. It’s based on the show, “Footballer’s Wives,” which is all the rage on the other side of the pond. Now, the phrase apparently has some basis in real life. Life imitating art? Art imitating life?

Listening to: Simon and Garfunkel “Sounds of Silence”

Regurgitate This!

2006-07-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

I have already made my arguments as to why the news sources and links provided on this page are not communist. I will not repeat them. Suffice to say though, I will continue to use these sources. While they may have some slant, I feel they are better than most and that’s that. Of course, we are all adults here, feel free to make up your own mind. Notably, although it may take me sometime, I do get to analysis of these stories. So it is not simple regurgitation.

The drama in New Jersey is apparently settled and not a minute too soon (see http://www.harrahs.com/ACCasinoUpdate/ ... but its over now, see http://thefacts.com/wire.lasso?report=/dynamic/stories/N/NEW_JERSEY_BUDGET ; http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/06/nj.budget.ap/index.html).
--> UPDATE: As of Saturday morning (July 8, 2006), the gaming tables and machines are officially open (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/08/nj.budget/index.html)!

Speaking of gambling, I have not updated you on my Gambler’s Alert record. It is not good. Germany is gone from the World Cup, so that’s a loss. I got fucked by a draw in the Taylor/Wright fight, so that’s a loss too (no push for draws in boxing because you can not only put action on a draw, but also get very good odds for it). I also took a loss in the NHL finals but the crooked referees in the NBA finals got me a win. That runs my 2006 record to 31-39. Not good. Here are some picks. I’ll take France (+180) over Italy in the World Cup final. I’ll take Roman “Made in Hell” Karmazin (-200) over Corey “The Next Generation” Spinks in their junior middleweight championship fight. In an absolute first for me (and possible last), I’ll even take a gamble on the big Ultimate Fighting Championship match and take Tito Ortiz (-350) over the aging Ken Shamrock by Knock Out, Referee’s or Corner Stoppage (My only question about this, and if anyone knows please help me, if a guy quits on his stool between rounds, do I win or does that count as a submission and I lose?). And I’ll take the American League over the National League in Major League Baseball’s All Star Game (a.k.a. the Midsummer Classic).

President Bush and his wife were interviewed by Larry King on Thursday night. Now, I bash the President a lot here, so I’ll give that incompetent a pass tonight. Larry King though, gets no such pass. In an interview, he made it like he would ask the tough questions (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/07/05/lkl.bushinterview/index.html). What does he do, he asks the President, “How does it feel to be 60?” Then he asks leading questions so the President knows how to answer. Thanks Larry. You jerk. What you should have asked was, “What is your opinion of Russian Prime Minister Putin, now that he has come out as a child molester?” (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/europe/07/06/russia.putin.reut/index.html).

Although the idea of “Rock Star: Supernova” is completely reprehensible to me, I am addicted to it (see http://www.cbs.com/primetime/rock_star2/). My problems with the show: 1) Gilby Clarke was barely a member of Guns n’ Roses, he was more like a sideman or touring guitarist as he joined the group after Izzy Stradlin quit the group and the “Use Your Illusion” records were done; 2) What the hell is this band? These kids are trying out with no idea what these guys are going to do, even Jason Newsted’s comment, “we’re a rock and roll band” is useless”; 3) This is the most un rock and roll way to form a band ever; 4) Dave Navarro is cool and all, but what does he got going on, he should be in the band. The reasons to watch: 1) terrible covers of good songs and bad songs; 2) Brooke Burke; 3) Tommy Lee, who has already shown he is great reality tv (“Tommy Lee Goes to College” was incredible), is awesome once again. Seriously, check this show out.

CBGB’s is moving to Las Vegas (see http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1535718/20060706/index.jhtml?headlines=true). I’m not too keen on this. I know Hillel Kristal wants to keep the club in NY, but this move is all about money. If he really wanted to keep it here, he could move it to Queens or Brooklyn just as easily and noone would care. But he’ll get a ton of casino money to move it west, and it will turn into a venue for established acts. And people will care less.

Lastly, to clear up what exactly the “Song of the Summer” is. It is the song that is on the radio all the time, its bumping from cars cruising, its jamming at backyard barbeques and family reunions, its rocking the beaches and maybe most importantly, its filling dance floors at the bars and clubs. Although “Hips Don’t Lie” was certainly an early candidate (that I forgot to mention), it just doesn’t seem to have the “it” factor that “They see me rollin’, they hatin, trynna catch me ridin’ dirty” has. As much as I like the song though, it is completely frustrating to me that something that moronic could be a million dollars or more.

Listening to: Shakira featuring Wyclef Jean “Hips Don’t Lie”

Crazy Days

2006-07-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

Things have just been completely insane. I guess that’s what happens when you have a long weekend (in which I actually “worked” on Monday). But seriously, what’s going on here? Here's the wrap, with a discussion of notable events of recent days.

On Friday, I was in the big city hanging out with Boston, Kev T and Catherine. It was a good night where I learned interesting things about Edgar Renteria. Also, I was reminded that although “The OC” hasn’t been that good, it seems that last season’s shocking finale has everyone psyched for the new season. Lastly, I learned that it is most important to put the hold function on your IPOD on when you have it in your pocket. Mine played all night on Friday and thus was out of batteries when I trained it back home. I was forced to listen to two very annoying girls blabber on until I changed at Jamaica.

On Saturday, I went to my cousin’s wedding. Funny story, is that my Grandfather was holding all the envelopes and he gave me a look that said, “Let’s take this bag and get scrambling.” I let him know that a bus to Atlantic City was parked across the street and that we could double that money in no-time.

Or could we? What the fuck is the state of New Jersey doing. This is ridiculous. The casinos are shut down (see: http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/03/nj.budget.ap/index.html ; http://money.cnn.com/2006/07/05/news/companies/borgata_trump/index.htm?cnn=yes ; http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/05/nj.budget.ap/index.html ; http://www.theborgata.com/Main.cfm?Category_1=10000&Category_2=10100&ReleaseID=365F75F5-D0A6-DBDF-939A6FD821D25D24). I wonder what it was like when the made the dreaded 10-minute warning announcement. Were old ladies dragged away from nickel slingo machines? Did some big time whales keep their $1000-$5000 No Limit game going in their suites upstairs? I need answers to these important questions.

Back to the wedding, it was a really good time. Our bartender was absent a lot so I ended up getting drinks myself, but that’s okay.

Sunday was a waste, and then Monday I was at work, with only a few people. It was a rough day to be at work with noone there, but we got some Peter Luger’s Burgers for lunch so that made it straight.

Speaking of straight, I’d just like to say that for certain people who adamantly believe that CNN is a liberally biased news organization, the recent news about North Korea shows otherwise. Not one hour after the news broke, CNN had its employee (and one of its main personalities), Jack Cafferty (see http://www.cnn.com/CNN/anchors_reporters/cafferty.jack.html and http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Cafferty) on to give an editorial. With this airtime, and with an incredibly limited amount of information, Mr. Cafferty advocated direct military conflict with North Korea immediately. That is a more conservative response than President Bush and Secretary Rice combined. And by speaking with so little information, it is exactly what Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity do on Fox News every day. So there.

Monday night was Officer Money’s barbeque. In the beer pong tournament, Bishop Matt and I defeated Money and Mr. Sparkle T and Team Brooklyn to win the tournament and retain our champions league #1 ranking. Then, after some chicken fights and fireworks, we had a special attraction beer pong match. It was a “Six-Pack Challenge Match” involving 18 cups, three beers a side and two three person teams; best 2 out of three. In two closely contested heats, Officer Money, Mr. Sparkle T and Dr. Z defeated Bishop Matt, the not-so-holy-ghost and Myself.

Finally, the weekend proved to me beyond controversy what the “Song of the Summer” is. For some reason, this is a big deal to me and I need to know what it is every summer. Last summer, it was Rhianna’s “Pon de Replay,” but not overwhelmingly so (like Nelly’s “Hot in Herre” was a few summer’s back). Before Memorial Day, I though she could make it two for two with the “Tainted Love” sampling dance-floor filler “S.O.S.” However, recent hits by Christina Aguliera, Jessica Simpson and even Paris Hilton showed there was competition. Now, forget all those songs, cause the champ is official crowned. On Monday, we talked about the song and even listened to it in my co-worker’s brand new Infinity G35 on our way to Peter Lugers. Then it was all the talk at the barbeque, until, on the way to White Castle, it came on in the car. Bishop Matt cranked it, and the rest of us went beserk. Ladies and gentlemen, the song of the summer...

Listening to: Chamillionaire featuring Krayzie Bone “Ridin”

2006-07-03T07:06:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/03/nj.budget.ap/index.html

and it gets worse ... http://money.cnn.com/2006/07/05/news/companies/borgata_trump/index.htm?cnn=yes; http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/07/05/nj.budget.ap/index.html; http://www.theborgata.com/Main.cfm?Category_1=10000&Category_2=10100&ReleaseID=365F75F5-D0A6-DBDF-939A6FD821D25D24

Sorry Al

2006-06-29T07:57:00.001-07:00

In 2000, I thought Al Gore was just another jerk-off. Now, I think he might actually be the best thing around (see http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/10688399/al_gore_30 ). Plus, he did a cool skit on "Saturday Night Live" with Phish.

Speaking of jerk-offs and politics, President Bush gave the Prime Minister of Japan a tour of Graceland, the home of Elvis Presley (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/06/30/bush.koizumi.ap/index.html). If only a couple of hundred more old folks in Florida had voted for Mr. Gore in 2000...

I might actually get my office to joint this contest (see http://www.youtube.com/group/theoffice).

Disney World is a rough place (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/29/coaster.death/index.html).

Listening to: Fleetwood Mac "Landslide"

Not Much

2006-06-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

If you are bored and are looking for something to pass the time, let me suggest www.youtube.com. On this page, you can find funny clips, sports and music videos. If you don't feel like searching, espn.com's Bill Simmons has an article featuring links to some really good videos (see http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/060626). Just avoid all the videos from the 2004 American League Championship Series and all other Boston-Sports related clips.

First all the rain messed up the beach water (see http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-libeach0627,0,6215761.story?coll=ny-homepage-bigpix2005), and now gas is doing it to tap water (see http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-limtbe0628,0,1845536.story?coll=ny-top-headlines). What is going on here?

If pimpin' wasn't easy before, it sure won't be if a republican senator from Iowa has his way (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/06/27/pimp.tax/index.html).

Listening to: Brooke Hogan featuring Paul Wall "About Us"

Everyone Plays Soccer Now

2006-06-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of commentators saying that the World Cup hasn’t been well received here in the US because no one cares about soccer. I actually disagree. Today at work, we had a 10 minute conversation about “passive offsides” calls. I defy any of you bitches to correctly define “passive offsides.” Anyway, good luck to Team USA tomorrow against Italy.

I heard Britney Spears was a fucking mess on Dateline last night. I missed it so I’d like to hear your comments. Has anyone wasted so much so quickly?

Officer Money has a nice blog about the recommendation form he filled out for me. I also got a call from Boston who told me he would fill out my form this week. I know these guys will do me a solid and write good things. However, as Money’s blog indicates, if they wanted to be jerks, they could make my life very difficult.

I was the first to jump on the “Alex Rodriguez is a jerk off because he can’t hit in the clutch” band wagon but now I just feel sorry for him. I will cheer for him now and you should too.

Gambler’s Alert: Let’s slowly build our way back up to respectability with one bet this weekend. There is a huge fight in Memphis for the Undisputed Middleweight Championship as champion Jermain “Bad Intentions” Taylor takes on Ronald “Winky” Wright. This is a toss-up and really tough to pick. Both guys have won the big fights, and both are in great shape. Wink is a great defensive fighter while JT is an offensive powerhouse. Usually, I’d say go with defense, but Wink doesn’t move as well as he used to. Expect JT to break through his defense and land the hard shots and take the win.

Lastly, I’m not sure what to think of the new Nelly Furtado song. I really liked her first two records and the different kind of world-beat vibe she brought to pop music. To me, this is just clubby R&B/Hip Hop. I expected better. Plus she’s doing choreographed dancing in the video like she’s Ciara or someone terrible like that. But its not bad to nod your head to in the car, I guess.

Listening to: Nelly Furtado and Timbaland “Promiscuous”

Strange Tag Teams in the News

2006-06-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

A quick rundown of cnn.com today provided the weirdest combinations. They were,

1) Bathroom Furniture and Dope: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/14/home.depot.drugs/index.html

2) Hurricane Relief and Porn: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/14/fema.audit/index.html

3) Palestine and MySpace (including an arranged marriage -- actually, I was shocked that the Ambassador was not involved in this story somehow): http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/06/14/jericho.romance.ap/index.html

I’m not even going to touch the George Carlin - Ann Coulter combo on the “Tonight Show” because I doubt they’ll be in the same room.

Listening to: Rehab “Bump”

Helps the Cough, Not the Gambling

2006-06-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

This weekend was all about the Belmont, and it was a good time had by all. Just so you know, I was drinking beers, but because of my addiction to cough syrup, I did so under Dr. Paul’s supervision. It was all good. The Big Dogg cooked up the barbeque, Krazy Gutshot brought the sixer, Officer Money brought the politics, and Dr. Z took home all the exacta cash. Additionally, I was the guest of a co-worker of mine in the clubhouse section of the track where you need to dress up and not act like a degenerate. It was seriously cool and a place I will have to visit more often. I also ran into buddies from Law School. No, I didn’t sign Barbaro’s card.

Congratulations to Krazy Gutshot, Ruth and the rest of “Team Hammerheads” for surpassing their fundraising goals for the “Ride for a Cure.” I am very proud of you guys and I hope you enjoyed your leisurely 38 mile bike ride.

After riding high (not just on cough syrup) for a while, the Gambler’s Alert is down in the dumps at 30-36. It was a brutal 0-4 weekend where I picked every fight wrong. Malinaggi was as game as I thought he would be, but Tarver and Kelly completely screwed me. Don’t worry though, I’ve got some good picks coming up and I’ll be making money for you in no time.

Listening to: Matchbook Romance “Monsters”

Sippin' Sizzurp

2006-06-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

Man, I had the worst cough I’ve ever had this week. So I went to the doctor and he prescribed an anti-biotic and a Hydrocodone/Homatropine cough syrup. That cough syrup is the BOMB! It’s actually the stuff rappers from Houston are talking about in their songs and why their beats are so slow. Now I know what they are talking about. By the way, teaspoon = tablespoon.

There has been a lot of controversy this week regarding Ann Coulter’s comments about widows who lost their husbands on September 11, 2001. I don’t feel the need to give Ms. Coulter any more publicity, so I won’t tell you what she said. However, it did get me thinking. Why do we need to address comments that are so utterly invalid? I guess the answer is because some people actually buy into comments as ridiculous as Ms. Coulter’s. But to me, these comments are not even worthy of a response (well, I guess this is a response, but you know what I mean). Another example of a comment not worthy of a response is, “A real news station should give both sides of the story and let the people decide (i.e. Fox News).”

Gambler’s Alert: Allright, the Belmont Stakes is here, no one cares and I’ll be in attendance. Let’s go with George Steinbrenner’s longshot, Hemmingway’s Key (15 to 1) to win “The Test of the Champion.” In boxing, its a big weekend and I’ve got three picks for you. At Madison Square Garden, I’m looking to make some money, so take the trash-talking Italian defensive whiz with no power, Paulie “The Magic Man” Malinaggi (+330) over the hard punching Puerto Rican, Miguel Cotto (on the eve of the Puerto Rican Day Parade no less). In the undercard, I also like “The Flushing Flash” Kevin Kelly over Bobby Pacquiao. Then, in Atlantic City, look for Antonio “The Magic Man” Tarver (-200) to retain the Light Heavyweight Championship against Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins.

Listening to: Buckcherry “Crazy Bitch”

It Wasn't that Bad a Day

2006-06-06T09:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I went to the Yankees-Red Sox game with Bishop Matt. We had excellent seats and it was a beautiful night as the Yanks pounded the Sox. However, as I was enjoying the game I started to worry. I knew I would not be able to make a post to this page and it started to freak me out. Then I realized I wasn’t dumb enough to promise 30 posts in 30 days, and everything was all cool.

Just kidding Officer Money. Seriously though, here’s his latest gem: “His source is the NY Times, possibly one of the most unreliable news papers in modern history. This seems to be a continuing trend for ‘the red headed menace.’ Whenever he quotes a source it's from the Times or CNN (Communist News Network). Next time try quoting a newspaper that doesn't have a track record of printing false information. If your precious Times wrote that there were golden nuggets up people's asses, would you become a proctologist?” First, the New York Times is recognized by many as the “Paper of Record.” Second, the “Grey Lady,” while having its issues as any paper would, is far from “unreliable.” If you say its unreliable, give me some examples. And while your at it, give me some examples of CNN’s (the first cable news network) unreliability. And while your at that, grow a sack and offer an alternative news source. But before you do, since you refuse to acknowledge the NYT and CNN, expect the same from me with regards to Fox News and the New Republic. Third, at least I didn’t cite Rolling Stone (which has some good reading here: http://www.rollingstone.com/news/story/10432334/was_the_2004_election_stolen and http://www.rollingstone.com/nationalaffairs/?p=175).

To wrap up this Ashlee Simpson discussion, I agree that it would have been better for her now if she had gotten the surgery before becoming famous, but I don’t think it would have helped her that much in her career. The surgery has not made her exponentially hotter so that she can get away with anything. I think if she had the surgery before, she would still have released two crappy albums.

Speaking of crappy albums, has anyone heard the Paris Hilton song. Definitely something to look out for.

Did the Red Hot Chili Peppers copy “Dani California” from Tom Petty’s “Last Dance with Mary Jane?” Does it matter that Rick Rubin produced both songs?

Today is June 6, 2006. I’m not superstitous, but maybe I would be if I lived in Hell, Michigan (http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/06/03/hell.party.ap/index.html). Seriously though, Hell must have took that name before they settled Detroit.

For those getting ready for the Belmont Stakes on Sunday, you should know that at the track you can sign a “get well soon” card for Barbaro (see http://news.bloodhorse.com/viewstory.asp?id=33882). If you do, you are a fucking idiot.

The idea to form an entourage of blogs is stupid. However, if you are eagerly anticipating the upcoming season of “Entourage,” check out http://www.hbo.com/entourage/ariinterview/, where you can be interviewed for a job with Ari Gold himself.

Listening to: Lynyrd Skynyrd “Tuesday’s Gone”

So Much to Say

2006-06-04T16:58:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on in our corner of the “blogosphere” that a super rare Sunday post is required as I prepare myself for season finales of “The Sopranos” and “Big Love.” And this is stuff I didn't cover with the fellas at Boss Croaker's or Uncle Sam's on Friday night.

First of all, there has been a little bit of a comment-section bantering between Officer Money and the Future Ms. Timberlake. First of all, the Future Ms. Timberlake uses a phrase “Epi Croisette PM. In the taupe shade.” What the fuck that is, I have no idea, but it seems like there could be problems if Dr. Z doesn’t. Second of all, I think that although we have been using many abbreviations (which admittedly, maybe I am guilty of starting), we should probably try to curb our use to those abbreviations that are obvious. For example, “the LT” could be anything, so I should probably use “L-Town” to denote Levittown. Otherwise, our conversations will be mumbo-jumbo, which although fun, could lead to much confusion.

Actually, this happened to me once, when “crip talk” first became nationally popular (read: white people started saying “for sheezy”) when I was in college. Big Nick and myself were the only ones fluent in it. At parties, after a few _______ (fill in the blank), we would converse in this street language which others knew nothing about. Our friends chided us for speaking so that they couldn’t understand, and people who didn’t know us assumed we were retarded.

Mr. Sparkle T has made so many comment-worthy posts recently that I feel the need to take this time out to applaud him. Clap-Clap. A most excellent job. Now on to some observations:

1) The “reverse sexist t-shirts” of which he says “[w]hat surprises me more is the utter lack of uproar over this stuff.” In reality, a t-shirt is just a t-shirt and although these shirts’ sense of irony and humor is probably ill-founded, people probably rather that 14 year old girls go to the mall wear a shirt that says “If You Buy Me Things I'll Pretend to be Your Girlfriend” or “I'm Too Pretty To Do Math” but completely covers them then something they saw your friend Ashlee Simpson wear on television.

2) Speaking of Ashlee (personally, I like misspelled names, it makes them easier to remember) although I agree with your utter contempt for her, you did manage to find the hottest picture of her I’ve ever seen. Thank you for that. That said, I saw some recent photos of her and it is quite obvious she had facial plastic surgery. If anyone can confirm or deny, I would be interested because then Mr. Sparkle T and I can co-write a post on the dangers of teenage girls and plastic surgery. Oh, and Ashlee, I’ll see you at SWS or SES in a few years (not obvious abbreviations, but those are to keep you guessing).

3) The discussion of Natalee Holloway provoked the most insane reaction to a post I’ve ever had. I almost felt compelled to defend the media. At least Natalee really disappeared and they aren’t putting what happened on “The Sopranos” on the front page of the paper. And at least when Bill O’Reilly and the rest of FoxNews’ crack-team is talking about her they are too busy discussing wacked-out theories to label liberals as dope smoking America haters. Plus, its not like the news media can show pictures of the brave soldiers who met an untimely passing in Iraq; nope, the government won’t allow that. But, in reality, Mr. Sparkle T is right, she’s gone, and unless they arrest Vander-Sloot or whatever the fuck his name is, let it go.

4) I’m so fucking tired of the controversy surrounding “The DaVinci Code.” It’s a book, and like all books, fiction or non-fiction, it is up to the reader to analyze and take from it what you want. Leave it alone. More importantly, the best quote from the post was, “All I want to say is that I sorta resent it when all sorts of suspicion is cast upon the entire institution - coverups, creepy white guys in red robes, clandestine meetings, sanctioned murder... to provide one last great boogeyman for our jaded imaginations to fear.” This statement, my friends, brings warmth and joy to the hearts of President Bush, Dick Cheney and the rest of the fuck ups in government. Even the Catholic Church, which almost has a sanction for secrecy, has become increasingly transparent over the centuries. Maybe this is a lesson for a government “for the people and by the people.” But since recent events have shown this government loves a good cover-up (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/meast/06/04/time.cover/index.html and http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1200780,00.html), we will have to continue on with our suspicions and jaded imaginations.

5) “The Goonies” was far-better than “Back to the Future.”

6) The random quote from “The Karate Kid” is “Put ‘em in a body bag Johnny!”

7) Whatever happened to Phoebe Cates? I was just watching “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” this weekend and I can’t imagine a talent like that just disappearing. Mischa Barton watch out!
Great post by Maggie. I’ll just give you the highlight quotes: “20 hours and half an Ambien later, we landed in Auckland” and “Stay tuned to this blog at that time for tales of my extreme adventuring in Dracula's castle.”

Last point on the blogosphere: what the fuck is Officer Money thinking? At current count, he’s got 3 posts and its June 4 and he leaves on June 25. He’s got 21 days to make 27 posts. I was going to put money on his failure, but that would just motivate him to do it. I think he’s in real trouble, although point #4 from above combined with the end of his ban on political posts should give him enough fodder for a few posts. In all seriousness, if our little trip to AC produced this much commenting, it looks like his 30 in 30 will ramp it up even more.

In gambling, well, it hasn’t been a very good series of Conference finals. I’ll take a win with Edmonton over Anaheim, but losses with Carolina over Buffalo, and in the NBA I’m 0 for 2 with Miami over Detroit and Dallas over Phoenix. That brings us back in the red for 2006 at 30-32. So for Lord Stanley’s Cup, I’ll take a well-rested Edmonton (+115) over Carolina. In the NBA finals, I know Dallas has home-court advantage, but I expected Miami to be favored. Since Shaq and D-Wade are underdogs, I’ll go with them at +135 (but will probably root for Dallas). And for a change, the World Cup is coming up and since all of Europe has bets on it, I can’t be left out. I’m sure a lot of you like the USA as a “Budweiser Longshot” at +6000 (that’s what betonsports says, but I’ve heard you can get 80 to 1) . But realistically, it looks like heavy favorite Brazil (+250), with Ronaldinho leading the way, will win (Actually, a really good bet I think is to take the +6500 odds and say Brazil will win the Cup AND Ronaldinho will be the World Cup leading goal scorer). Since that price is no way to make money, let’s go with the host nation Germany at a more reasonable +700.

Longest post by me ever? Could be.

Listening to: Oingo Boingo “Dead Man’s Party”

All Lines are Currently Busy

2006-06-01T19:10:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have noticed that I have a new method to creating my entries for this blog. If I am at work and I see and interesting link, I will immediately post it. Then, later on when I get home, I will make post my blog with an analysis of those links. Feel free to comment before or after I make my “full” post.

Interesting comment by the Future Ms. Timberlake on my Atlantic City post. She mentioned “LV” with regards to the Pier at Caesar’s. I say interesting because it took me around twenty minutes, five looks at the comment and a couple of looks at the Pier’s website to realize what the hell she was talking about. Apparently, LV doesn’t just mean Las Vegas.

I got a new cell phone today... what a disaster. It took at least 30 minutes. Then, I had to register the phone before I could use it. After you register, you can’t use your phone until they send you a text message. Wouldn’t you know it took those bitches an hour to send a text message! Even when I’m wasted I can get a text out in under two minutes.

Listening to: Queen “The Show Must Go On”

Thank Ya Baby (Said in a High Pitch Voice)

2006-05-30T14:35:00.000-07:00

Since the inception of this blog, I’ve seemed to have very enjoyable Memorial Day weekends. The first year’s holiday weekend involved Officer Money and Dr. Z opening their Long Beach apartment. Last year, as you may remember (I know I’ll never forget it), was the “Malice at Mist Lane.” This year’s version certainly ranks up there with those two.

On Friday night, I got out of work late. Then I had to shop for an engagement present at Fortunoff’s. So after that trainwreck, I enjoyed some beers (and carbombs, and SoCo shots) with Krazy Gutshot, Ruth and Danielle. It was a very nice evening and they didn’t seem to mind me rambling on about my condo situation and utter contempt for Fortunoff’s. Importantly, Krazy Gutshot and Ruth are participating in a the Tour de Cure bike tour to raise money for the American Diabetes Association and I would invite all of you to sponsor them at http://main.diabetes.org/site/TR?px=2822271&pg=personal&fr_id=3210.

On Saturday, I went to my Dad’s barbeque where I ate a lot of food and hung out with the family. There, I was rewarded with smiles at the presents I had agonized over the night before.

On Sunday, I ventured to Atlantic City with the aforementioned Officer Money and Dr. Z. With some change in our pocket, an IPOD and a thirty rack of Coors Light, we braved the traffic and made it to the Coast. With our base of operations set at the Claridge Casino (http://www.caesars.com/ballys/atlanticcity/), we set out on an adventure that would involve Jersey girls celebrating a Bachellorette Party, a contested draft selection process, horrible runs at dice, an intense showdown on the boardwalk, the new AC bars, the old AC bars, and generally, mayhem at every turn.

Someone has to keep me away from Craps because that game was killing me on Sunday. After one disaster, I had an even trip to a dice game which was then followed by another disaster. It was very wise of me to end my association with the dice early Sunday evening.

During this trip, I realized that Atlantic City is in the midst of sweeping changes designed to get back its losses due to Las Vegas’ seeming monopoly as the gambling/party mecca. We visited two new bars that have been built on the beach (http://www.trumpplaza.com/go/beachbar and http://www.caesars.com/Ballys/AtlanticCity/Dining/BarsLounges/BikiniBeachBar.htm). Unfortunately, these bars are not the greatest places in the world, but I would have to say they are a step-forward for the coast city.

Speaking of those bars, when we were coming out of Trump Plaza (http://www.trumpplaza.com/) on Sunday night, we saw a huge man and his entourage moving very quickly out of “The Beach Bar.” He was quickly stopped by security who asked the obviously intoxicated man if he was in a fight. He loudly said “No.” When security tried to stop him he immediately began screaming “Don’t fucking touch me!” The cops were called and the entourage rushed the man into Caesar’s (http://www.caesars.com/caesars/AtlanticCity/) where they were either provided sanctuary or a one way ticket to the Drunk Tank.

Getting back to the restoration of Atlantic City, Caesar’s is almost complete with their new complex on the pier (see http://www.pieratcaesars.com). Modeled after “The Forum Shops” in Caesar’s Palace, Las Vegas, this mecca will include four levels of shopping, dining and clubbing. From all the information I got on it this weekend, I can say I am actually looking forward to visiting it when it is done. That said, I think they have been building it since I visited AC in 1998. Supposedly it is supposed to be done this summer, but coming from someone who observed the construction site, don’t bet on it.

Interestingly, it was very foggy in AC on Sunday night. And that was without the brews. But the brews certainly helped a lot and led us to what I am now calling “The Den of Degeneracy,” the Claridge’s basement Casino (http://www.caesars.com/Ballys/AtlanticCity/Casino/Casinos/ClaridgeCasino.htm). Upon arriving, I noticed that many of my favorite tables had been moved. In fact, one of my blackjack spots was replaced with some sort of Texas Hold’em game which is all the rage in the casinos. After a quick observatory walk through, I immediately took my place at a $10 blackjack table. Joining me at the table was, from first base to sixth, Tameka, Dr. Z, myself, Erica, T, and Officer Money. Tameka is an excellent blackjack player and was very good at cutting the deck (I let her cut the deck when I was told to do so because when I touched the dice earlier, it was a horror show). T and Erica are from New Brunswick, New Jersey and were celebrating their friend’s upcoming wedding. They celebrated so well that they put their friend to be “early,” and went back out gambling, though T lost her “I’m a slut” pin (I think that’s what the pins said, although I can’t be certain). Erica played blackjack a lot like me, meaning that she got terrible hands and cursed the dealer. She was warned for this, and I immediately ran to her defense because I too have been persecuted in the casinos of Las Vegas, Connecticut and Atlantic City for using profanity. T on the other hand was much calmer and is what I would picture the Mary character from Bruce Springsteen’s classic song “Thunder Road” to be like. Playing cards with these girls was a lot of fun and I actually won twenty bucks. Also, after Erica got up, Shawn took her place and he was dressed like a degenerate but he carried a diamond club players card so he immediately got respect. Unfortunately though, respect was lost as a certain player at this table took a hit when he had 14, the dealer was showing five and worse of all, Dr. Z had doubled down.

On Monday, with our hangovers subdued by some excellent pancakes, we hit the Borgata (http://www.theborgata.com/), where everywhere I turned I was reminded that Antonio “The Magic Man” Tarver will be facing Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins on June 10. There, I played some Let it Ride and on my second hand, when the guy next to me said “Deal me 3 fives,” I was dealt 3 sixes. I got a sizable payout but then the dealer asked for $30 back because she overpaid me. I should have left right there, but I played on and lost my nice $90 payout. I ended up winning $20 there but it could have been better. But in the end, Dr. Z, Officer Money headed out of the Coast City happy, knowing we had met the challenges of a holiday weekend in a casino head on. In other words, it was a hell of a trip.

Listening to: Less than Jake “The Rest of My Life”

Quiet Time in the LBC?

2006-05-25T06:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-likilt0525,0,4204840.story?coll=ny-top-headlines

Over the Fence

2006-05-23T17:07:00.000-07:00

Because I’ve been so behind, I haven’t given an account of my gambling weekend or given my picks in the upcoming conference championship games. In the NHL, I’ve got Buffalo (tired of picking against them) over Carolina and Edmonton over Anaheim. In the NBA, I’ll take Detroit (-240) over Miami and Phoenix (+290) over Dallas.

As for this past weekend, Barbaro’s injury cost me some serious duckets. I know everyone loves this horse and wishes him well, but seriously, if he hadn’t won the Kentucky Derby they would have put him down on national television. And I’m sure the New York Racing Association would have fired the bullet because, in my estimation, he cost them at least 75,000 people at the Belmont Stakes. I’ll also take losses with Dallas beating San Antonio and Phoenix beating the Clippers. But I’ll take a win with Detroit eeking by Cleveland. The boxing... well, I smell funny business because what was originally determined to be a draw was changed to a win for Marco Antonio Barrera over Rocky Juarez. Juarez beat the holy hell out of Barrera and he (and I) got screwed out of a win. That brings my yearly total to 29-29, breaking even.

For another bet, what the hell, I’ll take Katherine McPhee (+160) in a mild upset over Taylor Hicks. But there’s no way I’ll watch that crap. I have to watch “24” from yesterday. And I won’t watch it tomorrow because “Lost” is on, but I will have to see how my girl Kellie Pickler looks.

Big props to Officer Money for the Mets-Yankees game on Friday night. He was right though, those seats suck. And the Mets need a new stadium in the worst way. I spent a good portion of the game on line for food and the bathroom. And fuck those little kids who were cursing out the Yankees. Little bastards. Also shout out to Money’s cousin, Dr. Z and Maggie who were along for the ride. That reminds me, check out Money’s blog about shows and Maggie’s quick-witted reply to it.

Funny story, I built a fence with my Dad in his backyard on Sunday. When we finished we were standing on the other side of the fence, in the parking lot of an office building on Old Country Road. So we had to walk around the block because we didn’t think it was a good idea to jump a fence we just put up.

Did anyone see this crazy story about Danny Almonte, the pitcher who got his little league team disqualified because he was too old (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/draft2006/news/story?id=2450606). He’s now a 19 (maybe) year old senior in High School who is likely to be drafted in MLB’s amateur draft. Oh yeah, and he’s married to a 30 year old.

Listening to: Phil Lesh and Friends “Friend of the Devil”

Random Thoughts on "The OC" Part Three

2006-05-22T20:24:00.000-07:00

If the season finale of season one made me think, and the finale of season two left me blank, the finale of season three of “The OC” completely shocked me. Yes, shocked me. I know the commercials said a main character would die, but that just brought back memories of the commercials for “Beverly Hills 90210” that said a main character would die and then they killed off some secondary character. And yes, Mischa Barton ruined the ending in an interview with “Access Hollywood,” but I missed it (see http://forums.prospero.com/foxoc/messages/?msg=137356.1).

Marissa Cooper is dead.

Hopefully, she is in a better place now as she had a very tumultuous life. [In no particular order;] Her father is a criminal and her mother is an (entertaining) train wreck. She had a “drinking problem,” used drugs, was a petty thief, dated a gardener, a hot chick and a degenerate surfer. Marissa also suffered the indignity of being sexually assaulted by her boyfriend’s brother, who she almost fatally shot and being kicked out of school for it. Her mother slept with her first boyfriend, whom she dumped for cheating on her in Mexico, which resulted in an overdose on pills. Marissa also befriended a psychotic drug addicted rich kid who almost killed her, her boyfriend and himself. If I missed anything, let me know.

Her life seemed to be turning around when he befriended the like-minded Johnny Harper but his death sent her life back into a tailspin. This tailspin led her to the degenerate Kevin Volcheck who cheated on her and got her into dangerous drugs. Ultimately, this cretin ended up killing her.

Interestingly, she died in the arms of the hero of her story, Chino’s own Ryan Attwood. He was the guy who looked out for her, protected her and showed her tough love when she needed it (after all, she was the first person he met in Newport Beach). I’m sure her death will send Ryan into a tailspin which will result in more violence, especially if he gets his hands on Volcheck before the police. But back to the point, rest in peace, Marissa “Coop” Cooper.

Notably, I think the show, after a really sub-par third season tried to make a point of going back to the way the show was in the first season. Brining Anna and Theresa back was a good way to start that and they also referenced many of the first season’s antics by having the main character’s last hurrah at the model home where Ryan stayed, and burned down with the help of Luke.

Speaking of first season flashbacks, in the season finale of season 1, the music played while Ryan left Newport with Theresa to return to Chino and Seth sailed off to wherever, was Jeff Buckley’s “Hallelujah.” This season, they played the same song at the end but used Immogen Heap’s horrible cover version. In fact, one of my biggest complaints about the show is the bad cover versions (usually of Oasis songs) that they play.

If anything, I think the show’s fourth season (which most experts, meaning Bishop Matt and Ms. I’m So Drunk, think will be the last) will be excellent. The storylines that I anticipate are:

1) Ryan’s hunt for and confrontation with Volcheck
2) Summer’s inability to deal with the grief of losing her best friend, coupled with Julie Cooper’s attempts to replace her daughter with Summer and Taylor Townsend’s (or maybe Anna’s) efforts to replace Marissa as Summer’s best-friend .
3) Seth’s inability to help Summer through a tough time and his return to that seemingly never-ending weed stash in his desk
4) Sandy Cohen (who I thought, if they were going to kill a main character, it would be him), back at the Public Defender’s Office, is forced to defend Volcheck in his trial for Marissa’s murder.
5) Kirsten Cohen and Julie Cooper-Nicholl-Cooper-Roberts’ constant fighting over Ryan’s possible fault in Marissa’s death.
6) The long rumored return of Oliver.
6) Caitlin “Mini Coop” Cooper’s constant outbursts for attention and attempts to “rule” Newport Beach (in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if an early Season Four episode focuses on her Debutante Ball, which Jimmy Cooper returns for and gets knocked out by someone, again). and
7) The return of Luke Ward!
Believe it or not, I am serious about all of those storylines.
I am eagerly anticipating your comments. Please keep Marissa Cooper in your thoughts.

Listening to: Red Hot Chili Peppers “Dani California”

No Blog About The Season Finale Unitl I Get My Amazon Order

2006-05-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

I’ll save “The OC” review until tommorow to make sure everyone has seen it. If you haven’t seen it, well, find a tape, steal your friends TIVO or do something. With all the Series Finales going on, I did get a chance to watch the last "That 70's Show" tonight. Very good stuff from a very funny show.

Gambler’s Alert accounting: I’ll take a win with Edmonton over San Jose in the NHL but a loss in the NBA with Miami over New Jersey. Also Phoenix, Dallas and Cleveland look like they might take my 28-25 record right back to .500. Remember this is big time gambling, you have to be able to take the swings.

Speaking of gambling, I bet it will not be very long after the even money favorite Barbaro wins the Preakness that some of the 155,000+ will start lining up for a good spot at beautiful Belmont Park. As a matter of fact, why wait, Fuck it, here’s your weekend Gambler’s Alert a little early. Let’s go for an Exacta on the Preakness with Barbaro and Platinum Couple (at 50-1!). I’m sure you’re all tempted like I am to say “fuck boxing that shit,” but do so at your own risk. In other words, just in case, box that shit. Speaking of boxing, lets go with the underdog former Olympian Ricardo “Rocky” Juarez (+330) over the Mexican warrior Marco Antonio Barrera.

Thanks to Officer Money, I have somehow found a way for my third straight year to attend a Mets-Yankees game. A couple of years ago I was complaining that I would never get a chance to see one of these games in person. Now, though no effort of my own, I have weaseled my way into three straight. Awesome!

What’s the deal with Amazon.com? I ordered something on Sunday and it hasn’t shown up yet. And I bought “Mean Girls” on DVD just to get the free shipping!

I think your best bet is just waiting until “The DaVinci Code” comes out on DVD (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/05/18/ew.mov.davinci/index.html). You already read the book and know what is going to happen anyway.

Listening to: Against All Authority “All Ages Show Tonight”

Familiar Anyone?

2006-05-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

Do you recognize anyone in this picture:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/multimedia/photo_gallery/0605/missed.0512/content.10.html

Tommorow I might do a preview of the season finale of "The OC."

Did you know the Preakness was on Saturday? Somehow that slipped my mind.

Bob Guzzle is back and causing havoc on the internet. Congress should try to outlaw him, he must be some manner of indecent degenerate or illegal alien? Right?

Randy Jackson just reminded everyone he was in Journey, in his words, and many other's words as well, "the greatest band ever."

Listening to: Type O Negative "Black No. 1"

Interrupting "24" Would Be Bad

2006-05-15T17:04:00.000-07:00

Allright, really quickly with the Gambler’s Alert record: I got Anaheim over Colorado but lost Buffalo/Ottawa and Carolina/New Jersey. I’m still making money for you at 27-24.

President Bush is giving a nationally televised address in a few minutes, of course during some great television time (http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/05/15/immigration/index.html). Bad move. On Monday nights people can get very suspicious about the President seeing as how every Monday night at 9, the President is a traitor and the only person who can stop him is Jack Bauer. Also, will 6,000 more troops at the borders (excuse me, did I say borderS, what was I thinking, I mean border [singular]) make a difference?

At least he’s not interrupting the upcoming Season Finale of “The OC,” that would be a disaster.

Listening to: Lupe Fiasco “Kick Push”

A New Fantasy League

2006-05-14T12:59:00.000-07:00

Too bad you have to pay for this, otherwise it would be cool as hell ... http://www.fantasycelebleague.com/.

I actually saw a story on it on MSNBC this morning. Also, I would definately join a league, but there's no way I would be the commissioner. I'm thinking my team would be: Jessica Simpson (first pick overall), Eva Longoria, Christina Aguliera, Rachel McAdams, Russel Crowe, Matt Damon, Adrien Brody, Kobe Bryant, Al Reynolds and Star Jones as the Celebrity couple and "The OC" as the TV show. I have a lot of sleepers there because you never know how a fantasy draft might play out.

Listening to: Derek and the Dominoes "Layla"

Radio, Radio

2006-05-11T17:41:00.000-07:00

I know I talk about morning radio too much, but this has been a big week for the medium. First, I learned that Booker, a great afternoon/night talk show host, moved to Philadelphia to start a morning show. He actually did a simulcast interview with Howard Stern on Tuesday, because the two are good friends. Funny thing about it was that Gary Dell’Abate basically ruined his career in Philly by revealing that he is the world’s biggest Mets fan.

Then, the craziness with Star and Bucwild went down on Wedensday (see http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/ny-etstar0511,0,2823822.story?coll=ny-entertainment-headlines). Basically, Star offered $500 to anyone who would tell him what school DJ Envy’s daughter went to so he could do “an R Kelly” to her. He said he would get at DJ Envy’s “seed” and called his wife a “slant-eyed whore.” So after a press conference featuring DJ Envy’s wife and New York City Council Members, Clear Channel fired Star. Honestly, because this was in the Hip Hop realm, people took it as a serious threat. Was it? I don’t think so. I think it was just one DJ trying to get under another’s skin.

I bet David Lee Roth won’t be mentioned as a possible replacement.

Did anyone see that story about how a Washington DC citizen found the President’s confidential travel plan in the trash? Isn’t that wacky?

Listening to: Kenny Loggins “Footloose”

Who is the Biggest Loser?

2006-05-10T17:14:00.000-07:00

Let me just say that these picks were made before the series started. I’m sorry I’m late in posting them. As a bonus, I am actually picking 2 upsets in the NBA.
Detroit over Cleveland
New Jersey over Miami
San Antonio over Dallas
LA Clippers over Phoenix
My record after this weekend is 26-22. Still making that money baby!

Britney Spears is a trainwreck. We know she’s pregnant again. I also heard that she screwed up a joke on last night’s surprise appearance on Letterman because she can’t read. Therefore, she is perfect for the latest rumor I heard about her. My cousins tell me Ms. Spears will be replacing Paula Abdul on “American Idol” next season.

By the way, I watched that “Idol” crap yesterday. What a bunch of losers.

Yes, Bishop Matt, Dr. Z and I went to see David Blaine in that stupid globe of water in Lincoln Center on Saturday night/Sunday morning. There were no models or hot chicks there, and that was the reason I went. So I wasn’t too upset when Mr. Blaine turned out to be a fraud.

What is a slacker tax you ask? See http://www.cnn.com/2006/EDUCATION/05/10/perpetual.student.ap/index.html. Great story.

Randy Johnson is a fucking jerk. I’ve had enough of him. He’s now reminding me of that Miles dirt-bag from “24.”

Oh, you know who’s having a really bad week... that nincompoop Tom Suozzi. His brilliant plan to use space-age technology to tax people for driving on the LIE during rush hour might finally drive him out of a governor’s race he has no fucking business in (http://www.newsday.com/news/local/longisland/ny-lisuoz0510,0,591181.story?coll=ny-main-tabheads1). And why does he keep asking for a debate when it is clear he is a moron? Elliot Spitzer is the next Governor of New York State, end of story!

Listening to: The Beach Boys “God Only Knows”

And I'm Going to a Communion Party Today

2006-05-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

If there was ever any doubt as to the degeneracy of this day, here’s a story. I was in OTB filling out my picks for the Kentucky Derby and I was standing next to a couple in their early thirties and another man. The man was telling them that he was going to a 350 person wedding and would be getting wasted. The couple then joked about crashing the wedding. However, the other man told them it would be easy because there would be so many people there. The couple then got serious and talked about hitting the cocktail hour and leaving before dinner.

The Run for the Roses ... the Greatest Two Minutes in Sports ... who do I have? I know its late but for what its worth, my trifecta is Barbaro, Bob and John and Showing Up. Make sure you box it.

In the fights tonight, take “The Golden Boy” Oscar De La Hoya (-350) over Ricardo “El Matador” Mayorga, who blew any psychological advantage he had by begging De La Hoya for more money to fight at the press conference. Also, take Kassim “The Dream” Ouma easily over Marco Antonio Rubio.

As for an update, I’ll take wins with Cleveland over Washington, Miami over Chicago, San Antonio over Sacramento and New Jersey over Indiana. This NBA roll I’m on brings me to profit status for the first time this year with a Gambler’s Alert record of 23-20. Making Money Baby!

Hell, cause I’m feeling so “Money” today, take the six points with the Lakers over Phoenix and also take the over (207).

Listening to: Shona Laing “(Glad I’m) Not a Kennedy”

Rough

2006-05-04T17:53:00.000-07:00

Since we last spoke, things have been rough. Work has been stressful, but what do you expect. The gambling has been tough too. I lost Edmonton/Detroit and Buffalo/Philadelphia in the NHL and the LA Clippers/Denver in the NBA. However, I did win Anaheim/Calgary and Carolina/Montreal in the NHL and Detroit/Milwaukee and Dallas/Memphis in the NBA. So my record for the year is now 19-20.

To keep the playoff binge going, here are my picks for the next round of the NHL playoffs (apparently, we don’t have west coast lines yet):
New Jersey (-190) over Carolina
Ottawa (-270) over Buffalo
Edmonton over San Jose
Anaheim over Colorado

Tomorrow, I’ll hook up some big time Kentucky Derby and Boxing picks.

Does anyone else find it funny how the cast of “The Sopranos” can’t realize they are actors and really commit crimes (http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/05/02/sopranos.arrest.ap/index.html)? What a bunch of pieces of trash.

This is just too funny: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/05/04/nonvoting.sons.ap/index.html.

Listening to: Damone “Out Here All Night”

Todos Somos Immigrantes

2006-05-01T16:53:00.000-07:00

Good thing there is a big time gambling weekend coming up as I am getting shallacked by these playoffs. Nashville lost to San Jose; Colorado beat Dallas and my beloved Rangers got swept by the Devils. At least I got Ottawa over Tampa Bay right. My record for the year is now 15-17.

Ms. Smith went to the Supreme Court and Won (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/05/01/scotus.smith/index.html)!

Congratulations to all those who marched for the rights of immigrants today (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/05/01/immigrant.day/index.html). Unfortunately, I think your cries will fall on deaf ears but at least you got the day off. The title of this blog is all the argument anyone needs on this issue.

Listening to: Thursday “Counting 5-4-3-2-1”

There Goes .500

2006-04-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

The NHL picks are killing me. I am losing in 7 out of 8 of them. In the NBA, I’m a little better, winning 4, losing 2 and tied in 2.

I reference Arturo “Thunder” Gatti, “Irish” Mickey Ward and their spectacular trilogy of fights a lot on this page. If you want to read a fantastic article about how these two brave warriors spent 90 minutes trying to kill each other on three nights in Connecticut and New Jersey, see http://www.hbo.com/boxing/features/outside_the_ring/gatti_ward.html. Kudos to Ron Borges for a great read.

Speaking of interesting reading, here is a fascinating look at the life of President Bush: http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/6482734/all_hat_no_cattle. Keep in mind that this article was written in 1999, before he was elected President.

Very busy day of work and tomorrow will be no different

Britney Spears is pregnant again. Only in America!

Listening to: The Explosion “God Bless the S.O.S.”

Worries All Across the Board

2006-04-25T17:18:00.000-07:00

With my correct prediction of the fight this weekend, my Gambler’s Alert record is now at an even .500 (14-14). Now it’s time to start making some profits. As for the 16 bets I currently have on the table, some look good, some don’t. I would probably sign for 10-6 right now, but that’s not allowed in sports betting.

Yesterday, was the first time ever, that this 26 year resident of New York State (who spent almost 10 of those years as a New York City resident and the rest as a Nassau County resident), was ever in the Empire State Building. I must say it was very cool. And no, I wasn’t a tourist on the roof (or observation deck, as I’m told its called), I actually had business there.

Officer Money’s latest blog is an excellent collage of pictures and his thoughts on the New York Jets. You must remember that this time of the year is especially tough on Jets fans. The draft is coming and we are waiting for our team to fuck it up as usual. If any members of the Jets management or coaching staff is reading this, let me make it simple for you: DO NOT TRADE UP OR DOWN, DO NOT TAKE A QUARTERBACK. If you want the tight end (Vernon Davis) that badly, use the 27th pick and trade down from there. That leaves you with either Mario Williams, D’Brickshaw Ferguson, or by some miracle, Reggie Bush. I’m fine with either of those three picks. However, the Jets will in all likelihood give me agita all week leading up to a sever heart attack when it is revealed they selected Marcus Vick with the 4th pick.

I have a political bone to pick with someone and its not Officer Money. Mr. Sparkle T, in a post on Officer Money’s site, says “By the way... I happen to be a proud, card-carrying member of the The Young Republican Mountain Ranch Boys (My codename is "Entitlement Lad - The Irate Conservative"). My right-wing powers include despoiling the earth, keeping down the brothers, and making sarcastic remarks about John Lennon lyrics. Today, Mr. Sp... excuse me, Entitlement Lad’s sarcastic quote must be “Imagine Lower Gas Prices, No I couldn’t if I tried because the President’s head is so far up the domestic oil industry and Saudi Arabia’s collective ass that he refuses to acknowledge alternative sources of energy as a solution to the oil problem (which has economic, political and military components... meaning it is hella important).” Nope, our leader’s plan is to set aside 33,000 barrels (which should go to the emergency stockpile reserve) a day to go into the market where 21 million barrels a day are consumed (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/04/25/bush.energy/index.html). This will neither lower prices or do any good.

Ricky Williams got suspended for one year (http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2421774). Say it with me, “One year just for weed? Godamn!”

Listening to: The Zambonis “Hockey Monkey”

In with the Pumpkins, Out with the Giggalo

2006-04-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

The Smashing Pumpkins are back (see http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1529202/20060421/smashing_pumpkins.jhtml?headlines=true)! My one point on this is that I think its interesting they are recording a new album before playing any shows. This leads me to believe that it is simply Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin that are recording and Billy hasn’t decided who else is going to be in the band.

Its official, David Lee Roth is gone (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Music/04/21/roth.radio.ap/index.html). No surprise there, but Opie and Anthony to replace him is a shocker, especially as the show will be simulcast from XM Satellite Radio. I think maybe they’ll do a little better than Roth, but Free FM shouldn’t expect much.

No Gambler’s Alert tonight because I actually have 17 bets on the table right now. That should change my 13-14 record for the year significantly. We’ll see.

Listening to: Kurd Maverick “The Rub”

A Holiday Sized Blog

2006-04-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

Happy Holiday! I have a lot to get to, and I was busy all day, so I really didn’t get the chance to celebrate this holiday like you are supposed to... by chilling out. But I’m about to listen to Jimmy Buffett live from his show in Irvine, CA tonight, so its all good.

To commemorate today’s holiday, I’d like to tell a funny story that happened to “someone I know” when he was under the influence. This dude was at a party and was not in a particularly good mood despite being baked. He was sitting with some people and chatting when this one guy, who was a cousin of his friend DJ Trouble’s now ex-wife. This cousin, who was a legitimate tough guy, had a bowl and a bag of endo in his hand. The cousin asked everyone, “What is this,” obviously wanting to know what type of cheeba he was holding, since everyone was referring to how good it was (just for information, it was BC Bud [British Columbia] that some kid brought to Washington, DC from Seattle, Washington [tonight’s Top Gun week reference]). The dude I know, baked and in a bad mood, replied, with bass in his voice, “It’s weed, mother fucker. You put it in a bowl, you light it up, and you smoke it!” Everyone stopped what they were doing because they expected the dude I know to get his ass kicked. But then the cousin laughed and everyone else did too.

Another funny story is that, on the actual holiday, in 1999, the dude I know had to work in the morning, after staying most of the night celebrating the beginning of the holiday. At work, his boss gave him his credit card to get some food. When the dude I know left work at noon to go celebrate the holiday, he brought the boss’ credit card with him. After celebrating the holiday quite a bit, a co-worker called him and told him he had to return the card. So, the dude I know pulled up the hood on his sweatshirt and went back to work. He avoided his bosses and gave the card back to his co-worker who called him and would later be a dude he would toke many bowls with. The co-worker told the dude I know, “If you ever come to work stoned again, I ain’t gonna fire you, I’m gonna kick your ass!”

Speaking of the 1999 holiday, it completely sucked because of the shootings at Columbine. The news today was that a similar plot was foiled because of someone finding out the criminals plot on www.myspace.com (http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/04/20/plot.foiled.ap/index.html). So, some good things come from Myspace and I guess it isn’t the waste of (net) space that I thought it was. Seriously, I hate that the holiday is associated with Columbine and that kids are trying to copy it on this day, which unfortunately is Hitler’s birthday as well. Fuck all that! Let’s just forget the bullshit, and remember today as a holiday of peace, chill-out sessions and delivery food. Plus, its Carmen Electra’s birthday.

Also in the news today was that a 84 year old Great Grandmother won over $10 million playing nickel slots at Harrah’s, Atlantic City (http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/410499p-347192c.html). Great, I’m sure she’ll enjoy the money just as much as I would. Honestly, there is no justice in this world. Well, at least until I go on the great gambler’s run I deserve.

Gambler’s Alert: Yeah, I got a “ballsy” now. I’m picking every NBA first round playoff series today. It’s a holiday after all, so here’s your present:

Cleveland (-200) over Washington
San Antonio (-1200) over Sacramento
Miami (-800) over Chicago
Detroit (-5500) over Milwaukee
Dallas (- 700) over Memphis
Los Angeles Lakers (+ 300 )over Phoenix
New Jersey (-400) over Indiana
Denver (+ 150) over Los Angeles Clippers

It pains me to take the Lakers, but I figure I hate them, so they will probably win. Plus, picking dogs in the NBA is impossible, since favorites ALWAYS win. At least I have 2 dogs out of 8. Oh, even at +3500, good luck to all you book makers finding someone to put money on Milwaukee.

Also, there’s a big fight this weekend as IBF Heavyweight Champion Chris Byrd (+ 250) takes on Wladimir Klitschko (-300) in Germany. Both guys are inconsistent, Byrd’s a defensive whiz with no power and Klitschko has no stamina or heart, but can box and crack. I’ll take Klitshcko to win a snoozer.

Then there’s Officer Money, who completely misquoted me when going on his “Love it or Leave it” rant. He says I said “the President is destroying our civil liberties” when I really said, “A super hero so powerful, he is able to destroy your civil liberties with two simple Supreme Court Justice Appointments...” as part of my “Decider” joke. Please quote me correctly when making your arguments in favor of the dude who some feel is the “worst president ever” (see http://www.rollingstone.com/news/profile/story/9961300/the_worst_president_in_history). By the way, I do like how Officer Money added pictures to his blog. Very cool.

Disappointing “The OC” tonight (Buffet is live from Orange County tonight, coincidence?). Great “The Office” though.

Oh, the rumors have turned into reports that David Lee Roth is done as the morning man on Free FM. He lasted longer than I thought he would. The real surprise is his replacements, whom I would have never guessed. That’s another story for another time because Jimmy Buffet is taking the stage. Happy Holiday!

Listening to: Buster Poindexter “Hot, Hot, Hot”

Going Out on a Limb

2006-04-19T17:44:00.000-07:00

To continue with Top Gun week, the star of the movie through which Top Gun got his nickname and his wife had a baby girl yesterday. A couple of things about this. No one gives a fuck yet for some reason, this “news” made the front page of all the papers today. I have been begging the newspapers for some credibility for a long time now, and I will never get it. Thanks assholes. Second, Top Gun is a lame nickname but naming your child Suri (or whatever it is) is way lame-o.

If I had a good memory, my life would be a lot better. Last night I forgot that it was opening night of Jimmy Buffet’s “Party at the End of the World” Tour. Every show from the tour is broadcast live on “Margaritaville,” Channel 30 on Sirius. And I forgot to listen. If I could remember these things, I would be much better off..

By the way, “Party at the End of the World” is an awesome name for a tour. Speaking of tours, a good summer tour has been announced, but it has a terrible name. It’s the Family Values tour (see http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1528963/20060418/korn.jhtml?headlines=true)! With Korn playing a 2 hour set and the Deftones on the same bill, its a winner. Plus, Chino Moreno of the Deftones promises to play “Wicked” (their cover of the Ice Cube song) with Korn. Then add Flyleaf as an opener and it looks like a good night at the Beach or your local amphitheater.

By the way, I was watching some of the “MTV Hits” channel yesterday. “MTV Hits” is commercial free music videos aimed at a younger audience. It’s a lot of pop videos. But yesterday I noticed an abundance of pop-punk bands that look like they were really corporate constructions. No, I’m not talking about Fall Out Boy. These include Saving Jane, Aly & AJ, The Veronicas and the Jonas Brothers. There videos are must see stuff. The Jonas Brothers have a girl that they steal from the jocks at the prom and then they drop her off at home where her Dad starts yelling and grabbing her and then she leaves and gets back in the car ... ah forget it. This stuff is all crap that makes Kelly Clarkson look like Carly Simon. Seriously, I am dumber for watching it. Yet amazingly, I will still flip to that fucking station after getting bored with ESPN News, which only talks about Barry Bonds.

Gambler’s Alert: I am going out on a limb and will now pick every 1st round series of the NHL playoffs. Holy shit, I can see this becoming a complete disaster and my almost .500 record getting absolutely fucked. Here goes: Take
Ottawa (-500) over Tampa Bay,
Detroit (-550) over Edmonton,
Nashville (+140) over San Jose,
Anaheim (+150) over Calgary,
Dallas (-240) over Colorado,
Carolina (-220) over Montreal and
Philadelphia (+115) over Buffalo.

And lastly, the stupid bet with your heart pick, take the New York Rangers (+200) over New Jersey.

Listening to: Artic Monkeys “I Bet You Look Good On the Dancefloor”

Introducing... The Decider!

2006-04-18T20:12:00.000-07:00

Now that Top Gun is back and blogging, it seems like this week is officially dedicated to him in the Blogosphere. His boss, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (No, the Secretary of Defense is not James Hellerin real life), is under heavy criticism for his handling of the War in Iraq. President Bush came out with a statement today regarding Secretary Rumsfeld (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/04/18/rumsfeld/index.html). In response to who should choose Secretary Rumsfeld's fate, President Bush has now labeled himself "The Decider."

By day, he is a poor mannered, feeble minded president. By night, he dons his costume and becomes the super hero this country needs... The Decider! A super hero so powerful, he is able to destroy your civil liberties with two simple Supreme Court Justice Appointments, yet he is a super hero so flawed, he can not properly speak the English language (or find an Arab over six feet tall and attached to a dialysis machine). He is... The Decider!

The preceeding was not meant to be a political diatribe but a funny observation. However, I do realize that a political bias is present in it and thus, I certainly expect angry comments from LevittowntoLasVegas' right wing correspondents. However, for today, these right wing commentors will be known as The Decider's young sidekicks, The Young-Republican-Mountain-Ranch Boys.

Listening to: Saving Jane "Girl Next Door"

Jerry Fallwell and Top Gun are Back!

2006-04-17T16:57:00.000-07:00

Here is an interesting situation: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060416/ap_on_el_ge/fallwell_giuliani_2

Yes, that’s right, Rev. Jerry Fallwell will not support former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani for President. Does that mean the Reverend and I are in agreement? Have I succumbed to the Conservative Evangelical Christian movement and joined them? Doubtful.

It was also interesting to see that John McCain (the democrat’s favorite republican) is now kissing Rev. Fallwell’s ass. That’s a great way to lose some bi-partisan respect.

In other news, Top Gun is back and blogging. But with gems of wisdom like this, “Did a det with the Air Force... in Las Vegas. Surprisingly enough, living in a hotel room on the strip for 2 weeks does get old after a while. more to follow on that,” he might want to take another 4 months off from blogging. All kidding aside, I am glad to have his blog back and look forward to his stories almost as much as I look forward to Officer Money writing a post that absolutely destroys Top Gun’s Las Vegas comment.

The below is absolutely the best trance/progressive house song in a long time.

Listening to: Orikedea “Beautiful”

The Home Opener

2006-04-11T18:33:00.000-07:00

The Big Dogg said it best: “The worst day at the ballpark is better than the best day at work.”

And then Derek Jeter hit the game winning homerun.

American Idol: Pickler, Daughtry and McPhee; everyone else is irrelevant.

Listening to: Bronski Beat “Smalltown Boy”

Beep... Beep... Beep

2006-04-10T16:58:00.000-07:00

“24” is all the rage today. If you are a fan, check out these articles:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/TV/04/10/television.sutherland.reut/index.html
http://www.mtv.com/movies/news/articles/1528309/04102006/story.jhtml
http://www.rollingstone.com/special/9635622/cover_story_24

Obviously, this show is ridiculously suspenseful, but one of the interesting things about the show is the suspense its fans have over the show ending. Its no secret that the first two seasons didn’t get great ratings and fans were always concerned about it getting cancelled. Then everyone figured out how great the show was but the suspense continued because of rumors that Kiefer Sutherland was going to bail on the show. Now, obviously, he’s in to stay for three more seasons and Fox (who surprisingly and thankfully stuck with the show) has renewed it for next year. Plus we’re getting a “24” movie which looks like it will be a prequel featuring all of our favorite characters who they killed off. Awesome!

Speaking of prequels, last weeks “Prison Break” where they showed how everyone ended up in jail was spectacular, although it was a little bogus how each con was made out to be so sympathetic.

I know I took all favorites this weekend, but I always pick dogs so you can’t fault me for that. So my 13-14 Gambler’s Alert record is completely legitimate. For the record, I was worried about the Mayweather pick early because Judah was catching him with good shots. But its been a while since we saw a good boxing riot, and this was no exception. Good fight night on Saturday at Law School Paul's.

Speaking of Saturday, we had a 4-man poker tournament and I think I should recap our champions for the entire history:

January: Bishop Matt (over Gutshot)
February: Dr. Z (over Bishop Matt)
March: Gutshot (over Bishop Matt)
April: “Krazy” Gutshot (over Dr. Z and Officer Money, eliminating them both at the same time!)
Interestingly, the plans have now changed for our Championship Poker Tournament. Originally, this fiasco was scheduled to be an end of the year event where the five normal participants (Bishop Matt, Dr. Z, Officer Money, “Krazy” Gutshot and Myself) would each buy-in for $100 and the winner would take all. Now, the plans are to have summer time tournament, starting early in the day and including a barbeque. Most importantly, the tournament will have twelve participants and two tables, all competing and eliminating each other until there is one winner. The buy-in and grand prize have yet to be determined. As for the participants, the five gentlemen previously mentioned are qualified, as are tournament competitors Top Gun and Little Money (if Mr. Sparkle T can’t figure out in TWO guesses who this is a codename for, he will be banned from the championship tournament, otherwise, he will be granted one of the prestigious Coors Light sponsor exemptions). The other entrants will be those who get sponsor’s exemptions from the tournament’s sponsors such as the aforementioned Coors Light. Additional sponsors include Miller Light, the Claridge Casino Atlantic City, BetOnSports.com, “Beer League” the movie, in theaters August 11, Don King Promotions and the NFL on NBC. If you are interested in an exemption, or know someone who is, the comments box is available, if the aforementioned gentlemen are not.

Speaking of gambling, the Yankees Home Opener is tomorrow and I will be there. How badly the Yanks stink is of no concern to me. Opening day means baseball is officially back and when I’m having some beers before noon in the South Bronx tomorrow, it can only be a good thing.

Listening to: Head Automatica “Brooklyn is Burning”

News You Can't Use (Except the Gambler's Alert)

2006-04-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

I didn’t blog the last few days because I couldn’t think of a New Wave song title with the day of the week in it. I’m still additcted to the New Wave station although yesterday I was rocking Pete Tong’s “Essential Selection” on BBC Radio One. There’s a song called “The Rub” that’s really hot right now.

The Top Three Interesting News Stories right now are:
1) The Gospel of Judas? (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/04/06/gospel.judas.ap/index.html).
2) To avoid bad reviews, movie studios are now not releasing to critics the crap they put out (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/07/film.nocritics.allowed.ap/index.html).
3) A Page Six writer is in trouble for extorting money (or else he would write negative stories about him) from a wealthy man (see http://www.nydailynews.com/news/story/407074p-344669c.html).

I think its obvious that “The OC” isn’t what it once was, but there was a really funny exchange this week:

Summer: Do you remember that movie the boys made us watch about the gay guys on a mountain?
Marissa: You mean “Lord of the Rings.”

Since we are now into the first weekend of baseball season, I feel comfortable in saying the Yankees stink. Mr. Steroid III (a.k.a. Gary Sheffield) is really getting on my nerves.

Gambler’s Alert: With a split on Monday night’s NCAA championship, my record for the year is an improving 10-14. Tonight, there is a big boxing card and not much else. The Wood Memorial doesn’t look to promising, so I won’t even pick it. Here’s how I see the boxing tonight: Rosando Alvarez came in over the weight limit and as such, will not be able to fight for Jorge Arce’s Bantamweight title. Since I think Alvarez is not in shape and Arce is a big favorite anyway (8-5 by decision, 5-7 by KO), I’ll take Arce by knock-out. In the Lightweight title fight, I am big supporter of Juan “The Baby Bull” Diaz and know very little about challenger Jose Miguel Cotto other than he is the brother of Junior Welterweight titlist Miguel Cotto. So even though the price is tempting and Diaz has been inactive, I’ll take Diaz at -300.

The main event is interesting as it pits the pound for pound best fighter in the world, “Pretty Boy” Floyd Mayweather, Jr., against Brooklyn’s Zab “Super” Judah who is coming off a loss to a “ham and egger.” At the weigh in though, Judah looked to be in tremendous shape and his back is against the wall because if he loses, he will be fighting small money fights (and he‘s already bankrupt). The price is tempting too (Judah is +300 and Mayweather is +500), and noted trainer and commentator Teddy Atlas is on record picking Judah. But in reality, Mayweather is the best in the game and his speed, defense and skill will eventually be too much for a glass-jawed Judah. Bridge-Jumper on Mayweather to win.

Listening to: The Primatives “Crash”

Til Tuesday

2006-04-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

Very quickly, I just want to mention that I am currently riding a killer addiction to New Wave music. This problem has been brought on by listening to Sirius channel 22 “1st Wave.” So if you see me humming Duran Duran or Roxy Music songs, please be understanding. Seriously though, this station is like the old WLIR less new music. In other words, awesome.

“The Office” isn’t on on Thursday so see http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/sub_122.shtml. Really funny stuff.

Listening to: The Police “Next To You”

Just Another Manic Monday

2006-04-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

The new conservative government of Canada has announced that it will not re-introduce the liberal party’s bill to de-criminalize marijuana (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/04/03/canada.pot.reut/index.html). I don’t think I need to explain to you all what utter nonsense this is.

Speaking of drugs, everyone’s least favorite character from “The OC,” Marissa Cooper, is apparently addicted to cocaine now that she can’t get vodka tonics at the Bait Shop. And Volchek, her scumbag boyfriend was all to happy to provide her with the blow. I have two problems with this: (1) has anyone in the history of the world immediately run to and become addicted to cocaine just because they couldn’t get a drink? (and I know it’s tough for 16 or 17 year olds to get alcohol, but is it really that hard... especially if you look like Mischa Barton? and (2) what scumbag coke-head would share his coke with a chick he’s already gotten with?

Speaking of scumbags, Barry Bonds attempts to further tarnish America’s Pastime beginning today and running throughout the summer and fall. Please ignore that jerk and focus on the great game of baseball and how it will keep us in suspense and thrills for the entire season.

Signed my first document as a lawyer today ... a “Stipulation to Enlarge Time within which to Perfect an Appeal” in case you are keeping track.

Gambler’s Alert: The NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship will be decided in a few hours. The Florida Gators are 1 point favorites over the UCLA Bruins and the over/under is 127.5. Here’s my advice: Although I usually say avoid football schools when betting college basketball, Florida -1 is the pick here. As for the points, 68-55 sounds about right to me, so take the under.

Listening to: Information Society “What’s On Your Mind (Pure Energy)”

It's Official

2006-03-29T16:22:00.000-08:00

Finally, I’m in! After school, tests, and character evaluations I have finally tricked the State of New York into thinking I am not a degenerate. As such, they had no choice and the Judges of the Appellate Division, Second Department accepted a motion to license a group of people that included me as attorneys.

Interestingly enough, I don’t really have anything else to say about being a member of the bar. That’s it, just that I fooled you New York State. And now that I’m in, I should probably figure out what to do with my new status as an attorney. Or as Judge Adams said, “find your nitch”

Listening to: Kajagoogoo “Too Shy”

Operating Thetans in Missouri

2006-03-27T16:50:00.000-08:00

This is a seriously funny video from a local news station in the south: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nda_OSWeyn8&search=Leprechaun.

Also, there was a very in depth article on Scientology in a recent issue of Rolling Stone. It’s very interesting and reveals this “religion” to be what I would consider a scam. Please see http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/9363363/inside_scientology and formulate your own opinion.

Listening to: Dramarama “Anything, Anything (I’ll Give You)”

Idiot Box Revisited

2006-03-23T17:55:00.000-08:00

The new Top Ten Shows on Television list. The criteria, whatever the fuck, it just has to be still on the air. Here we go, with some other awards:

Best Repeats: “In Living Color” 11-12 on BET, a great successor to the old “Howard Stern” on E! slot.

Reality Shows that are Actually Watchable: “The Apprentice” (barely), “8th and Ocean” (but not for long) and “Surreal Life”

Best News Program: “The Situation Room” (CNN, Wolf Blitzer and Jack Cafferty)

Gone Too Soon: “Reunion,” “Tilt” and obviously “Chappelle’s Show”

Too Soon to Tell: “How I Met Your Mother” and “The Loop”

Honorable Mention: “Deadwood” (great dialogue), “Rescue Me” (funny as hell, but the plotlines are retarded, “My Name is Earl” (funny, but could be funnier), “Big Love” (so weird that its impossible to not watch, a natural successor to “Six Feet Under,” a former top-five show), and “Da Ali G Show” (a top-five show but there’s only been 12 episodes in two seasons)

10) “The Sopranos” It’s still pretty good but not what it once was.

9) “Law & Order” The original is the only one to watch. No bullshit plotlines that take weeks to figure out makes it really different now a days.

8) “Lost” It used to be a top-five show but this season has been really bad. It’s in danger of falling off the list.

7) “The OC” Another former top-five show, it needs a good episode like Doc Gooden needs a line of blow.

6) “The Simpsons” The former number 1 show has had some really good episodes recently but the two comedies below make it look average.

5) “Prison Break” Fast paced, like number 1 on this list and totally unlike anything on television.

4) “Nip/Tuck” I’ll just say this, if the revelation of the Carver was not a disappointment, this is the number 1 show easily.

3) “The Office” Is this the funniest show on television? I think it is, but maybe #2 is... too close to call.

2) “Curb Your Enthusiasm” The funniest show on television. It edges out “The Office” simply for the running jokes like the racist dog and “The Weatherman’s Golf Tip.” Oh, and the best season finale ever last year.

1) “24” Was there any doubt? The only show that has the balls to kill off three major characters in two shows. If you need any other reasons, see Officer Money’s recent post.
That’s my list. I’d like to hear your opinions.

Listening to: Duran Duran “Is There Something I Should Know?”

Cold War Relics in the Brooklyn Bridge and American Idol Relics in Eisenhower Park

2006-03-22T17:34:00.000-08:00

I’d like to steal a line from CNN’s Jack Cafferty. How the hell do they find a secret room full of crackers in the Brooklyn Bridge. I thought they were checking these things for terrorism concerns. Apparently not (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/21/coldwar.trove/index.html).

Lots of talk about “American Idol” today. Go Pickler! I still can’t sit through a hole episode. However, I am fascinated by Paula Abdul. I would like to hear all of your opinions on what the hell is wrong with her. Is she on drugs? Alcohol? Is she mental?

Speaking of “Idol,” Nassau County Executive, Gubernatorial Candidate and fellow alum of my high school, Tom Suozzi wants everyone to vote for Levittown’s own Kevin Covais (see http://www.newsday.com/entertainment/tv/ny-p2idol4670221mar22,0,6380052.story?coll=ny-homepage-mezz). He even put one of those annoying congratulations signs (a la Great Neck and Emily Hughes) at the entrances to Eisenhower Park. I thought Elliot Spitzer had some worrying to do but it is now certain that I was mistaken.

Fuck the NCAA tournament. Hofstra is up 6 at halftime in the NIT 3rd round.

New “Lost” tonight. What a surprise! I bet it will be a stinker. Hopefully not, but “Lost” has become a lot like “The OC” in that you have to sit through a lot of bad episodes to get to a classic. Now “Law & Order” is on at the same time. Not good. Speaking of television, I think its time for a new top 10 tv show list.

The below can be found at http://www.terrellowens.com/. Please listen if you like athletes trying to rap.

Listening to: Terrell Owens “I’m Back”

Hurry Up! It's About to Start!

2006-03-20T16:58:00.000-08:00

Very quickly before “Prison Break” comes on. Here’s some St. Patrick’s Day weirdness for you. I saw two guys almost get in a huge fight in a bar over which one of them could use the girl’s bathroom. I thought that was weird. So I asked some guys out front about it and they told me it was all bullshit and that they are Brazilian and if I had any problems to come to them. Very strange stuff. However, I had a good time hanging out with Officer Money, Maggie, Dr. Z, the Future Ms. Timberlake, Mr. Sparkle T, Ally and a cast of thousands (literally) on Friday.

I actually have some things I want to discuss on this page, so there might be some good posts soon. Maybe.

Listening to: Beastie Boys “Body Movin’”

St. Patrick's Day

2006-03-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

People often ask me about St. Patrick’s Day, what it is, why we celebrate, etc. I guess I can explain its history easily enough, that St. Patrick brought Christianity to Ireland. However, this message, written by Larry Kirwan, singer/guitar/songwriter for Black 47 really sums it up. Here it is:

On one day a year, they congregated outside St. Patrick's Cathedral off Prince Street in New York City and marched in celebration. To some of these immigrant Irish and their American born children it was a religious occasion, but to most the gathering was an affirmation of their right, not only to survive but, to thrive in their adopted country. That's what I sense on St. Patrick's Day - an echo from a time when the Irish were despised outsiders. And that's why I go along with the raucous energy, the excitement and even the green beer, the plastic shamrocks and the ubiquitous leprechaun. I didn't always feel that way.

When I arrived from Ireland, these manifestations of Irish-America were at best embarrassing. Back home, our own celebrations were rigid and religious; we did sport actual sprigs of shamrock but there was no beer, green or otherwise. The Parade up Fifth Avenue and the ensuing bacchanal seemed downright pagan by comparison. I had other immigrant battles of my own ahead. The band, Black 47, was formed to create music that would reflect the complexity of immigrant and contemporary Irish-American life and to banish When Irish Eyes Are Smiling off to a well earned rest in the depths of Galway Bay. This idea met with not a little resistance in the north Bronx and the south sides of Boston and Chicago; but when irate patrons would yell out in the middle of a reggae/reel "why can't yez sing somethin' Irish?" I would return the compliment with, "I'm from Ireland, I wrote it! That makes it Irish!"

With time and familiarity, Irish-America came to accept and even treasure Black 47, probably more for our insistence that each generation bears responsibility for solving the political problems in the North of Ireland, than for recasting Danny Boy as a formidable gay construction worker. I, in turn, learned to appreciate the traditions of the community I had joined along with the reasons for the ritualized celebration of our patron saint. And now on St. Patrick's Day, no matter what stage I'm on, mixed in with the swirl of guitars, horns, pipes and drums, I hear an old, but jarring, memory of a people rejoicing as they rose up from their knees. All our battles, for the most part, have been won; indeed, one has to search an encyclopedia for mention of the Know-Nothing Party or various 19th Century nativist politicians and gangs. Anti-Irish sentiment, not to mention Anti-Catholicism is a thing of the past. Might it not be time then that our New York St. Patrick's Day Parade broaden its parameters to celebrate all Irishness no matter what religion (or lack thereof), sexuality or political conviction. It's a broad step, I know. But now with the makings of a just peace finally taking seed in the North of Ireland, might we not some day witness Dr. Paisley, Mr. Adams and various members of the Irish Gay community walk arm in arm up Fifth Avenue. Impossible? Perhaps, but I, for one, would have wagered heavily 15 years ago that the Sinn Fein party would never sit in a Northern Irish Parliament. Times change and with them tactics and, even, treasured principles.

Whatever about Parade pipe dreams, we still must honor the memory of those who paved the way for us. Part of that responsibility is that Irish-Americans should never forget the new immigrants from other lands, legal and otherwise. Many, like our forebears, are fleeing tyranny, economic and politcal, and are striving to feed and educate their families. It would be the ultimate irony if an Irish-American were to look down upon the least of them; for, in my mind anyway, there is no place in the Irish soul for racism, sectarianism, homophobia or even dumb old Archie Bunker type xenophobia.

I once heard Pete Hamill, the writer, ask: "What does the Pakistani taxi driver say to his children when he gets home after 12 hours behind the wheel?" I can't say for certain but I'll bet he echoes many of the sentiments of those Irish who gathered outside St. Patrick's Cathedral so many immigrant tears and years ago.

Have a great day,
Larry Kirwan

Listening to: The Pogues “Thousands are Sailing”

What Is The Media?

2006-03-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

I’ve been really busy lately at work and have neglected my blogging. Sorry. I will post an interesting forwarded e-mail I received sometime soon. Oh, if I don’t blog before then, have a Happy Saint Patrick’s Day. Lift your pints and lift them well, but please do so responsibly... or irresponsibly. It doesn’t matter to me.

I know there are a lot of problems with the media in this country, but Monday was the last straw. Most of you know that the media does not report the news as much as it slants it to a particular view. Whatever, that’s just an unavoidable consequence if you ask me.

On Monday, the shooting of a FICTIONAL character in a television show on non-basic cable made the front page of the Daily News, Newsday and the New York Post. I know everyone loves “The Sopranos,” especially in the New York-New Jersey area, but this is retarded. The front page? And it wasn’t a slow news day either. What’s next, putting the Springfield Isotopes on the sports page?

Listening to: Anti-Flag “The Press Corpse”

The D-Train Was De-Railed

2006-03-08T16:55:00.000-08:00

I’m really into the World Baseball Classic. The Cuba-Panama game today was awesome (and for some reason, I was rooting for Cuba). My team, the good old USA, though, had a rough day. Before the game started, I was going to buy a Team USA shirt with Dontrelle Willis’ name and number on the back but then he gave up a bunch of runs. So that’s that.

Today at work I volunteered to help one of the partners out on a new case. I thought it would be some easy work but then I got a box full of transcripts to read. Note to all: don’t volunteer to help anyone.

Listening to: Yaz “Don’t Go”

Oscar the Grouch

2006-03-06T16:59:00.000-08:00

Judging by the front pages of all the newspapers today, I am the only one who feels this way, but I could care less about the Oscars. I didn’t watch and when I saw a few minutes of it, all I could think about is how brutal it was. I guess the easiest way to explain it is that even as a huge music fan, I think the Grammys are boring and I only watch it for the performances. The Oscars don’t even have that.

Speaking of The Oscars, at the advice of Bishop Matt I watched “Cinderella Man” this weekend. It was good but a couple of things really hurt it. One is that the story has so many similarities to “Seabiscut” that its hard to ignore. Most importantly though is the fact that sports always seem to top themselves. You thought the 1959 World Series was the best ever... well what about 1986... and then when you thought that was the best, what about 2001. Of course, the “Cinderella Man,” James Braddock overcame some really big obstacles and was certainly sympathetic. But when the movie tried to play up the fact that he fought hurt, I was like, come on. Braddock broke his hand in a fight that he and the other guy fixed. That’s nothing when I watched Arturo Gatti fight Mickey Ward THREE times with a broken hand. And in the third fight, Ward broke his hand too and they still fought like crazy. Hell, defensive fighters and pretty boys Floyd Mayweather, Jr. and Paulie Malinaggi routinely fight with injured hands. Lastly, Russell Crowe and Renee Zellwiger weren’t that great and they are way overrated. But Paul Giamatti was cool.

Latest Rumor: Danny Bonaduce to replace David Lee Roth?

Let’s go Colonials!!!!! Current analysis of possible NCAA tournament matchups has the dream Washington, DC game happening in the 2nd round if GW and Georgetown. March Madness is here, and I think I might actually feel it. Get ready for some Gambler’s Alerts.

Listening to: Panic! at the Disco “The Only Difference”

Trash Talk About Randall's Island

2006-03-02T16:37:00.000-08:00

The geniuses who run Randall’s Island have committed a big time blunder. On August 5, the Dave Matthews Band is booked for the first of two nights at the venue. It is a repeat of their “Island Getaway” shows from last summer. However, the Warped Tour is booked for the same day. And no, DMB is not going to play a 30 minute set in between Thursday and NOFX. Both are all day festivals that draw at least 20,000 people. Stay tuned.

Oscar “The Golden Boy” De La Hoya makes his return to boxing on May 6 when he takes on Ricardo “El Matador” Mayorga. He probably should have picked another opponent. At a taping for a promotional commercial, Mayorga pushed De La Hoya and cursed at him in Spanish. Then at the press conference, Mayorga showed up wearing a Matador’s uniform and had this to say:
“On May 6th I'm going to make you my bitch. No one will recognize you. You remind me of an old lady past his prime sitting in a rocking chair doing nothing. This clown sitting to the right of me has disrespected me. My strongest hand is my right hand, see his eye? I'm going to use it to detach his retina.....You're going to be my bitch in my bed anytime I want you. I hate bitches and I'm going to make you my little bitch. I'm the one with the balls. You (Oscar) don't even know how to represent your own people. (All the Latin people) will be rooting for me on May 6th."

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what you say to someone who wants to fight you. Even though the line “I hate bitches and I’m going to make you my little bitch” confuses the hell out of me, it sounds bad ass. Please feel free to use it anytime.

At the second press conference for the fight, Mayorga was even more blunt: “I know you all love Oscar De La Hoya… I love him too, that is why I am going to bring him to you all in a body bag.” Then after accusing De La Hoya of taking a dive against Bernard Hopkins (who became De La Hoya’s business partner after the fight) and slapping him in the back of the head, he continued “I don’t want to hear any excuses from you, I don’t want you to later say that your toe hurts or you injured a rib or a shoulder. You have no balls, you faggot, I’m going to bring you back to my home and put you in my bed and make you my bitch. You claim to represent your people? I just smacked you in the back of the head and you did nothing. Tell your wife to cook you some eggs every morning so you can grow some balls."

Once again, this is how to talk smack. It was so bad that all De La Hoya could say in return was “I’m going to knock you out.” The funny thing though, De La Hoya probably will knock Mayorga out sometime in the late rounds. But I’ll get good odds on Mayorga, and I’ll pull for the upset.

Here’s some sites I’m almost ashamed to plug: http://www.kelliehome.com/, http://www.kelliefans.com/, and of course, http://groups.myspace.com/pickpickler

Listening to: Kellie Pickler “Let’s Give ‘Em Something To Talk About”

Goodbye Torino

2006-02-27T17:00:00.000-08:00

I’ve heard some rumors that Olympic Gold Medalist Shaun “The Flying Tomato” White has been hanging around with Lindsay Lohan. I think this is a big step up from Sasha Cohen.

Now that the Olympics are over, we can get back to what really matters... Deal or No Deal.

Speaking of gambling, that jerk-off Bishop Matt sent me a text message on Friday from Las Vegas at 8:30AM NY time (5:30 AM West Coast time). His message was “Get ready for work, Bitch!” I was actually driving to work when I got the message and he was finishing some after-hours beers. Let me make this abundantly clear: No text message is worse than receiving one from someone partying in Vegas while you are on your way to work. I should have called the Ghost Bar and told them he would pay my tab.

I went to the Russian Barber this weekend. Interestingly enough, he’s not hooked up with the Russians who are after me. He has a lot of respect for me because he thinks I’m a lawyer and many members of my family frequent his establishment. His respect will go a long way to obtaining Glastnost with the Russians in downtown Manhattan, Brighton Beach and other spots.

Listening to: The Buzzcocks “What Do I Get”

Why Bother Watching the Olympics (or "Idol," or "Dancing")

2006-02-23T17:03:00.000-08:00

If you have avoided hearing about the results of the Women’s Figure Skating event in the Olympics and plan on being surprised tonight I am about to ruin it for you. Sasha Cohen is indeed, a choke artist. Emily Hughes was, as predicted, a waste of a plane ticket to Torino. And Kimmie Meissner... we’ll see you in Vancouver. Even the Russian favorite Irina Slutskaya was horrible. At least I don’t have to sit through watching it tonight to find out who wins. I guess the internet is good for something. And no, I won’t watch American Idol or Dancing with the Stars instead. Even though I am rooting for Kellie Pickler and Stacy Kiebler.

Maggie, you have nothing to apologize for. Your comment was not “bitchy,” I thought it was just fine. Actually, if you are going to apologize, you should do so for censoring yourself. Remember everyone, this is a site very much in favor of free speech. Say whatever you want! Even if the President or your parents say you should watch your mouth, I say fuck them!

If you would like to hear three songs off Less than Jake’s upcoming album “In with the Out Crowd” (due in May), visit www.altpress.com/media.

Listening to: The Jerry Garcia and Merl Saunders Band “The Harder They Come”

Short Week, Big Pain

2006-02-22T16:54:00.000-08:00

The past couple of days at work I’ve dealt with a really annoying woman on the phone. I need her boss to sign a stipulation but he’s been on trial so he’s unavailable. So I’ve dealt with her and she has thwarted me at every turn. She has agreed to terms, then after I fax her the stipulation, she wants changes. And her voice is really annoying. This afternoon she said she would fax something right back to me. I still haven’t gotten it. I’d like to take this opportunity to thank her for all the agita.

Bishop Matt is off to Las Vegas on Thursday morning. Let’s all wish him good luck. I told him not to pay my bar tab at the Ghost Bar that I walked out on last time. More important than luck though, let’s hope he stays out of trouble.

Listening to: Angels and Airwaves “The Adventure”

Short Week, Long Comments

2006-02-21T17:31:00.000-08:00

Reading the comments section for my last post was like reading a good book... not only lots of reading but it was good reading.

I thought my pick of Kimmie Meissner was a good one halfway through this afternoon’s short program but then the favorites blew her away (see www.nbcolympics.com). I really think Sasha Cohen will choke tomorrow but for her to beat the score the Russian put up, that was impressive.

Speaking of Russians, there was an incident this weekend that I neglected to mention. On Saturday, I had to pick up some Chinese food. In between where I parked and the Chinese place, is a Russian Barbershop (but not the barbershop I frequent). Outside of said barbershop was a Russian man, early 30’s, black hair and leather jacket. He was on a cell phone. Most importantly, he stared at me as I walked from my car to the Chinese place. When I left, he was gone, but he could have been in the barbershop for all I know. Normally, I wouldn’t think much of it but then I remembered the incident with the Russians from a while back. I was hoping they would forget me but it seems that isn’t the case.

Listening to: Oasis “Champagne Supernova”

Start a Three Day Weekend Off With...

2006-02-17T23:35:00.000-08:00

The lyrics to the Fall Out Boy song “Dead On Arrival” that I was trying to tell Bishop Matt about tonight are:
This is Side One
Flip Me Over
I know I’m Not Your Favorite Record
Funny, I thought of the song as soon as I stepped out of his car.

I don’t want to discuss tonight’s trip to Boss Croakers. As Officer Money said, a missed opportunity. Needless to say, next time I am told I resemble someone and am invited to the Hoboken Irish Festival by a girl who resembles Pam from “The Office”...

I've been told Mr. Sparkle T's latest post is a good one, so I have to end this to check it out.

Listening to: Jackie Martling “I’m Thinkin’ About You”

Seriously, This is the Last Time

2006-02-16T16:56:00.000-08:00

I know I wasn’t going to talk about this again, but I have one last thing to say about the Dick Cheney shooting of his friend. Rumors, Innuendo and general talk has centered recently on the reason why Dick Cheney didn’t go to the hospital with his friend and why they didn’t go public with the shooting for approximately 24 hours. Two interesting and credible reasons have come out. They are:

1) Dick Cheney was drunk when he shot the guy. Hunters very often drink while hunting. With the exception of Tucker Carlson, most people seem to acknowledge this as a universal truth.

2) Pamela Wilford, Ambassador to Switzerland, was in the hunting party and she is “close” to the VP, and is possibly “too close” for Ms. Cheney’s tastes (see http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/391857p-332305c.html).

Interesting stuff.

Three day weekend coming up! Awesome.

Listening to: Buck O’Nine “My Town”

The Last I Have To Say About This

2006-02-15T16:46:00.000-08:00

Once again, we have some misinterpretation. I brought up the impeachment of President Clinton to show how the conservatives overreacted to something relatively minor. In the case of Vice President Cheney, I was only making jokes about the situation. At no time, did I call for his resignation, firing or impeachment. I just thought it was a really funny that the Vice President shot someone. Actually, its not funny, seeing as how the victim is in serious condition, but you know what I mean. Also, I used the words “moronic” and “retarded” to show the stupidity of the whole situation. In addition, I meant to juxtapose this shooting with the much more serious impropriety perpetrated by the Vice President, namely the leaking of confidential information.

The Ambassador called last night and had interesting stories about his trip to West Africa. Apparently, he would have been safer staying in Damascus then he was during his adventures crossing rivers in Senegal.

By the way, as an update to my recent post on summer concert festivals, Lollapalooza was just announced as a three-day festival in Chicago. Can anyone say Smashing Pumpkins reunion to headline?

Listening to: MxPx “Heard That Sound”

Not Quite an Interview

2006-02-14T16:53:00.000-08:00

So I went on my Character and Fitness “Interview” today. I use the word “Interview” very loosely. This is because I was asked no questions. The member of the Character and Fitness Committee simply read my application (right in front of me) and then signed it. It’s official now, I will be admitted to the New York State Bar. Either the first or second week of March. Unbelievable.

I feel the need to respond to this comment: “Right after I heard the news that Cheney shot his fellow hunter, I said to myself, ‘The liberals are gonna have a field day with this one...’ Once again this blog and every major left-wing newspaper has proved me right.” This from the conservatives, a group of people who turned a government upside down because the President got fellatio from an intern in the Oval Office. Well, how are you not going to comment on something even more moronic, namely an old man shooting another old man (who coincidentally is a huge Republican Campaign Contributor). Its just retarded.

Today, they put up signs in Great Neck that read “Great Neck Salutes Emily Hughes, Our Hometown Hero, Good Luck in Torino.” So after sitting in terrible traffic this morning, I had to read that crap. Man, we need Michelle Kwan back. Whatever, I am now rooting for 16 year old Kimmie Meissner to take the gold (See http://www.nbcolympics.com/figureskating/5097645/detail.html). The past two Olympic Gold Medalists have been 16 year old underdogs. Plus, she’s +1000 right now. Is this an official Gambler’s Alert? No, but I’ll have some official picks soon.

Listening to: NOFX “Franco UnAmerican”

Winter Wonderland

2006-02-13T16:57:00.000-08:00

The Vice President of the United States of America shot a man! Does anyone else think that’s preposterous (See http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/02/13/cheney/index.html)? And he shot the 78 year old dude in the face! Seriously, Dick Cheney is old and is in poor health, he should not be running a country, let alone hunting, let alone driving a car. Even more seriously, is this to distract us from the real VP Cheney issue floating around (http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/02/13/cialeak.dean.ap/index.html)? I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby leaked confidential information at the behest of his “superiors.” As the Vice President Chief of Staff, he only has one superior. That’s the guy that’s shooting old people instead of quail.

All this snow around here really got me stoked for the Winter Olympics. Then Michelle Kwan had to withdraw from the competition. I think she acted with class and is one of the best ever at her sport. I also will probably not watch any figure skating now with her out of it.

Bode Miller is cool and all, but let’s be honest... he half-assed the Downhill yesterday.

But the ultimate of cool yesterday was Shaun “The Flying Tomato” White. After a terrible start, he made two perfect half pipe runs. White executed 1080’s and McTwists effortlessly and won the Gold Medal. Then he told Bob Costas that it would help him score babes and even named Sasha Cohen as a possibility. What a gold medal power couple that would be. Actually Cohen will choke and not win. But the Tomato Rules!

Speaking of figure skating, I work in the same neighborhood where Olympic alternate and now team member, Emily Hughes lives. She obviously needed to get to the airport to get to Torino, yet the whole town wasn’t plowed. Does that make any sense. And why were people driving just fine this morning, when the roads were icey and unplowed, but like complete morons tonight when the roads were paved?

A quote from “The Office” Season 1. Michael Scott: “Abraham Lincoln once said If you are a racist, I will invade you with the North.” There are really no comedies on television that come close to “The Office,” “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” “Chappelle’s Show” and “Da Ali G Show.” Those are the best.

Listening to: Hard Fi “Cash Machine”

Benihana, "Lost," "The OC," Yale, Libraries and Search Engines

2006-02-09T16:51:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Officer Money for the link to the cartoons that are causing all this madness. I must say, I can see why they are offensive. But seriously, violence? Is that really necessary? Do what any normal person does when they are made fun of... make fun back.

Also, Officer Money makes some interesting comments about “Lost.” As many of you know, he is the #1 fan of “Lost.” He even thought the black smoke attacking Mr. Eko was okay, but now he is wavering in his support. Has Jack, Locke, Sawyer, Saeed, Ana Lucia and super fine Kate jumped the shark?

The Future Ms. Timberlake provided me a super funny article. Although it is from a Yale paper, I still will plug it because it is awesome. See http://www.yaledailynews.com/article.asp?AID=31629. Hint: it has to do with "The OC."

I would like to take this time to firmly admonish Yahoo, Google and Microsoft for their practice of providing the searches of private citizens to the government of China (See http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/02/09/china.yahoo.ap/index.html). This practice is highly reprehensible. I absolutely against it here in the US. Thankfully, it looks like Libraries in the US will not have turn over the check out records of their customers (See http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/02/09/patriotact.ap/index.html). But we need to get these web search companies to stop handing this info over to the human-rights-hating-communist Chinese government. If anyone knows of another good web search site, please let me know, and I’ll link it because this is complete bullshit.

Finally tonight, Benihana got a big win in Nassau County Supreme Court today (See http://1010wins.com/topstories/local_story_039123238.html). Some lady sued them because her husband hurt himself dodging a piece of shrimp tossed at him by the Hibachi Chef. Afterwards, the doctor messed up and the guy died. The jury rightfully did not assign any liability to Benihana and we can all still eat there.

Listening to: House of Pain “Jump Around”

Cartoons Will Destroy Us All

2006-02-08T17:37:00.000-08:00

I was going to go into this whole thing about how I can’t believe a cartoon is causing all this violence (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/02/08/cartoon.protests/index.html). Then I started watching the Grammy’s, which started off with the cartoon super-group, The Gorillaz. Now, I know cartoons can do a lot of damage, because the Gorillaz were much more interesting than Madonna.

Kelly Clarkson crying and being moved at getting some award no one cares about really knocks her down a few notches in my eyes. What she should have done was tell everyone to change the channel to American Idol. No need though, anyone who’s still on this crap will switch to Lost at 9.

Doesn’t Chris Martin look like House?

Seriously, this show sucks, I’m not even going to bet on who’s going to win.

By the way, I haven’t seen the cartoons from Denmark that caused all this mess. I understand they depict the prophet Mohammed with a bomb shaped turban on his head. Has anyone seen the cartoon? Is this an accurate depiction? Is there a link to the cartoon somewhere?

Who the fuck is John Legend? Why do they let him not only perform, but explain the meaning behind his crappy song?

Note: I just thought of a joke about the opening performance of the Grammy’s which featured cartoon Gorillaz and Madonna. “What, Josie and the Pussycats and Usher were busy?”

Now country music is on, I can’t take this. I’m done.

This looks a lot cooler: http://www.chappellesblockparty.com/.

You can find the below at http://923freefm.com/pages/1419.php. I plug satellite radio too much anyway.

Listening to: The Booker Show “Complaints: Sweatpants and Freshmen Sluts”

Inching Closer to .500

2006-02-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

With that Super Bowl Sunday done and a 5-4 day, I improve to 9-13 in picks for the year. Not bad. Soon, I’ll be .500. Plus, for the 4 Stones songs I picked, they played 3 of them. By the way, Officer Money cooks a mean pigs in a blanket.

Great headline in the New York Post today about Britney Spears and her baby: “Nitwit Brit Endangers Child.” Gotta love it.

Is baseball season here yet?

Listening to: P.O.D. and Matisyahu “Roots in Stereo”

The "Super" Gambler's Alert

2006-02-05T00:57:00.000-08:00

Allright, here you go, the Gambler’s Alert for “Gambler’s Christmakuh” a.k.a. Super Bowl Sunday. I am too lazy right now to look at the odds, so here are some blind picks.

Take the Seahawks +4 over the Steelers

The under (47) is the bet.

The Seahawks will score first.

The Steelers will turn the ball over first.

S. Alexander will have over 100 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns.

J. Bettis will have 1 touchdown.

B. Rothlesberger will throw 2 interceptions.

The coin toss will be tails.

The Rolling Stones will play “Start Me Up,” a new song, “I Can’t Get No (Satisfaction),” “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” and “It’s Only Rock and Roll” [Note: This pick does not count for the tally in Gambler’s Alert.]

In NBA action, I like the LA Clippers -4 against the Toronto Raptors.

That’s it for you degenerates. Good luck in your betting. Hopefully you have better luck than I did at the poker table tonight (congrats to Dr. Z for his victory over defending champ Bishop Matt) and at the Uncle Sam’s pool table. By the way, on Saturday’s, Uncle Sam plays host to some lesbians who are most interested in meeting the Ambassador.

Oh, and the Russians have a lead on me. They think I’ll be at Windfall Bar at 39th St. between Fifth & Sixth Ave. How wrong those Russians are. Keep looking dudes!

Listening to: Pantera “Cemetery Gates”

Let's Go Colonials!

2006-02-02T19:59:00.000-08:00

This is why I don’t like College Basketball. As you may know, my team is the Colonials of The George Washington University. Here in New York though, we rarely get their games on television. Finally tonight, their match-up with Xaiver was on ESPN’s “Throwdown Thursday.” And they came back from a 17 point first half deficit to win. Excellent right? Yes but to stick it to me they had that jerk off Dick Vitale call the game.

Listening to: Ben Folds “Rockin’ the Suburbs”

Some Competition During a Lame-O Super Bowl Week

2006-02-01T17:48:00.000-08:00

Just to update this whole Cindy Sheehan getting arrested at the Capitol madness from yesterday (see http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/02/01/sheehan.arrest/index.html). So Ms. Sheehan was arrested and led out of the Capitol for wearing a shirt that said “2,245 Dead, How Many More?” while Beverly Young, wife of Rep. Bill Young from Florida was escorted out of the State of the Union address for wearing a shirt that said “Support Our Troops.” My first inclination is to think that the latter removal (Ms. Young’s) was fabricated in order to make this violation of the First Amendment look even handed. My second inclination is that I’m probably right about that. The Capitol police just announced that no charges will be filed and that they were wrong in removing both women. So now this whole thing will go away without an investigation. That’s probably the best thing for all seeing as how the government won’t have to answer for this ridiculousness and Ms. Sheehan gets another appearance on Paula Zahn Now. I, on the other hand, would like to know if Ms. Young was really wearing said shirt and if she was actually removed.

See what passes for news during a Super Bowl week where two teams who no one cares about are about to play a game that will be over in the first quarter.

Speaking of competition, I’d like to discuss the two biggest rock festivals in the United States and their competition. The idea of the summer festival is not a novel one, but two festivals have really stood out in the past five years. They took influences from the Woodstocks and European festivals like Glastonbury and Rock Am Ing but also narrowed their selection of bands to a sub genre of music (and then expanded from there). Of course, I’m talking about Coachella (Indio, CA; focuses on Indie Rock) and Bonaroo (Manchester, TN; focuses on Jam Bands). These festivals are so big now, that they dwarfed the Lollapalooza festival which was made into a similar two day festival in the city of Chicago. These two festivals did better and they are not in a major city (Coachella is in the CA desert and Bonnaroo is, well, lets just say there are plenty of hippies lost in some red state still trying to get home from last year’s show).

It was announced earlier in the week that Coachella will be headlined by Tool (playing its first show in over 3 years), Depeche Mode (Coachella always has a seminal 80’s band play) and Franz Ferdinand (see http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1522840/20060131/tool.jhtml?headlines=true). Additional bands are Coheed and Cambria, Common, Bloc Party, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Sigur Ros, Daft Punk, Hard Fi and Paul Oakenfold. Not to be outdone, and in fact, taking a page from Coachella’s playbook, Bonnaroo has booked Radiohead (for its first show in a while) along with Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers and Phil Lesh and Friends as headliners (see http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1522919/20060131/radiohead.jhtml?headlines=true). Others scheduled to appear are Beck, Death Cab for Cutie, Bright Eyes and Elvis Costello and the Imposters. Those pulling double duty (playing both festivals) include Matisyahu, My Morning Jacket, Cat Power and Damian Marley. Both festivals sound awesome this year (as usual), but I must say that Bonnaroo’s variety this year, while surprising, really makes it stand out and look like the better festival. And getting Radiohead, that’s huge. But then again, getting Tool is no small feat either.

Despite these huge announcements, the more interesting news to me about these festivals is the bands they didn’t get. And specifically, the reunions that aren’t taking place at these shows. I’m sure its an obligatory rumor every year that Phish is going to play Bonnaroo. But a reunion at this year’s version makes sense and I’m sure the rumor will grow when its announced that Trey Anastasio and Mike Gordon are playing an acoustic set there. But as of now, it looks like a no go. On the other hand, the big rumor surrounding Coachella was that it would include the reunion of the Smashing Pumpkins. However, that’s a no go as well. Interesting stuff nonetheless.

Finally, make sure you check the link provided in the Future Ms. Timberlake’s comment from two days ago. As obsessed as we all are with “14 year old girl culture,” this link shows us the madness of a 14 year old actress who plays a wild 14 year old girl on the OC.

Listening to: MC Lars “Hot Topic is Not Punk Rock”

The State of Iraq, Dissent and Virginia

2006-01-31T20:03:00.000-08:00

As anyone who’s gone to any sort of debate class will tell you, you organize your arguments so that your strongest arguments are first and then you get to your weakest arguments last. Both President Bush and Governor Tim Kaine did just that tonight.

First of all, watching President Bush in High Definition is totally warped. I got HD to watch football games and the OC, not this jerk. Anyway, in HD, President Bush still can’t speak properly, nor can he explain a policy. He also finds ways to attempt to crush opposition apparently. According to the President, “second guessing” is not acceptable. This from a guy who is probably going to scream at Bill Cowher when he goes for it on 4th and 1 on Sunday.

I will say that the President did seem to be effected by the opposition’s lack of applause at points and unexpected applause at others. Good. Since he doesn’t read the papers, there must be some way to let him know everyone thinks he’s wrong on many things. This is odd to me because he really won a big one with Justice Alito’s confirmation today. I expected him to gloat but maybe Wolf Blitzer has it right and the Republicans are worried about the 2006 elections.
And seriously, how long did it take this guy to actually discuss anything going on in the 50 states? And when talking about the Middle East, wasn’t it convenient to not mention the party elected to power in Palestine?

By the way, did anyone else hear that Cindy Sheehan was invited to the State of the Union by a Democratic Congressperson and then arrested? The news hasn’t updated the story which will lead to rampant speculation. My sources say there was something about a flag being unfurled. Next, they’ll actually arrest DC Mayor Anthony Williams for doing blow in Diane Feingold’s office.

Speaking of Diane Feingold, she was sitting next to John Kerry and whenever they would show them all I could think about was how conservatives were probably having seizures thinking if the two of them mated that they child they would produce would be Karl Marx the Second.

The Democratic Response was given by Tim Kaine, a guy who’s been governor of Virgina for 18 days. What, Tom Suozzi was busy telling Charles Wang he can’t have an extra $100 million to build a new Nassau Coliseum? Gov. Kaine sounds like Joel Osteen if Mr. Osteen had no ability to speak the language, no knowledge of hand gestures and had the particularly annoying habit of reading through commas, instead of pausing at them and combining sentences There is another way. [If you watched the Democratic response, maybe that will give you a chuckle.] Anyway, he also brought up his strongest points first, as he pointed out the mismanagement of the Gulf Region first and then went on to attack the President’s multiple domestic problems.

After that Bill Frist brought up that he wants medical liability reform and he’s a damn doctor. Can I get some full disclosure? Apparently not from Brian Williams. Then Barack Obama came on and I didn’t listen because he looks like Jalen Rose.

Seriously though, I bet some of these jokes will show up on the Tonight Show tomorrow night. Or in the next issue of Teen People.

Listening to: Ice Cube “Child Support”